{5,000}

I just want to say thank you to all those who read my blog.  I have over 5,000 page views.  That breaks down to more than 100 per day have read my blog since I began.  Which, in my mind, translates to so many people caring about David and me.  It is so nice to know.  I feel completely loved and blessed to have so many people thinking of us.  Please let us know if we can do anything for you ever.  We will gladly lend a hand or even just prayers.

It has been 48 long days since David left.  I think my emotions will come and go in various spurts.  At first it was heartbreaking and sad, life filled with tears.  Then came the "Well, it's not awful" phase.  Now I have moved on to the lonely phase.  I miss my friends, my family and my husband.  Reality is starting to kick in.  5 and 1/2 more months to go.

In my loneliness, I was photo stalking David again on my computer.  Here are some more funny shots of my man:

Oh, David flexing in the reflection to check himself out?!  Never!  JK.  He loves to flex, as he would say, he's "jacked".  

**David Update**

Day 4 now?  I haven't heard from David.  Praying for their safety and guidance.


David, because you aren't home to be my bed space heater, I am resorting back to my glorious mattress pad that you don't like.  But it keeps me warm at night!

I'm here, waiting for you with extra Halloween candy.

I can't wait for you to come back home.

I love you David.

{love}

I want love back.  I have love of friends and family, but I want the love of my man back.  Love in all ways.  I miss it.  I miss that unconditional love.  I was cleaning up tonight and thinking of all the things that I could do to make David happy.  Vacuuming the fuzzy carpet, fixing the broken picture frames, getting his watch fixed, mopping the floor, then I realized that it wouldn't matter anyway.  He wouldn't be home to enjoy it for five and a half more months.  How depressing.

Despite all my sadness, I am doing pretty well here in NC.  The weather isn't my favorite, I don't have a ton of friends, I miss my church back home, and my home is lonely.  All that, I can deal with.  I was raised by the best mother in the world.  She taught me so many things about life.  One of those things is that nothing should ever bring me down so much that I can't get back up again.  I've applied that to my life.  Even though my husband is war, life must continue.  I can't be here and be sad for seven months.  It takes was too much energy to be that depressed for that long.  I am happy.  I am content in life.  It will only get better.  Another day down.

**David Update**

Day 3 of no word from David.  Keep on praying for him and his Marines.  May God bless and protect them.  

David, I can't wait for you to come home and enjoy my cleaning.

I'm here waiting for you and cleaning for you.

I love you David.  

{awful news}

Kabul. Yes. I've heard. The other wives have heard, and millions of people have heard. What a tragedy that Americans troops were killed during a convoy. Unfortunately for myself and several other wives, our husbands are part of convoys. Convoys that we know nothing about. We don't know when they will leave. We don't know when they will come back. We don't know how long they will be gone. And no, we don't know where they are or where they are going.

Needless to say, this news of troops being killed isn't good news for anyone, but even more troubling news for families of Motor-T Marines. That feeling in our stomachs that we get, the thoughts that race through our minds are awful constant reminders of the imminent danger our loved ones are in. These are feelings that few understand. We wouldn't wish them upon anybody. I have a favor to ask. If you hear of troops being killed in Afghanistan, please don't ask us if our husbands are okay, if we know where they are, if we have heard "the news". We probably don't know anything and don't want to remind ourselves that those fallen troops could be our husbands. All those thoughts are already rushing through our minds, we wouldn't like to be reminded of them. And God forbid one of those were our husbands, we won't want to talk about it.

It's such a hard mentality to live with and cope with. Those thoughts constantly in the back of our minds. They never leave, despite what we might say. We love our men and we love you too. Just keep our families in your thoughts and prayers, but especially with those families of the fallen troops.

**David Update**

In lieu of the above, I don't know where my husband is, I don't know when he will be back and I don't know how long he will be gone.

I am here thinking about you and praying for you.

I miss you every second of every day.

I love you David.

{missing my man}

As it's finally getting chilly and cold here, I'm beginning to miss my man more and more everyday.  I miss him when I snuggle up on my couch with the screen door open, I miss him when I make food for myself, I miss him when I go to activities, I miss him when I go to bed.  Today I haven't been sad, but more a feeling of emptiness.  That something is just off in my life.  I know this feeling is caused by the void of David and it just stinks.  I miss being uncontrollably happy.  It feels like life is just crawling along, being monotonous.  I can't wait for him to be back home. 

**David Update**

Day 2 of no words from David.  Keep him and his Marines in your thoughts and prayers please.

David, I miss you so much.  Life needs to be happy and exciting again.

I'm here waiting for you to come home and put some flavor back into my life.

I love you David.

 

{awesome things}

So, I have a few awesome things to share with you.

Awesome Thing #1

I debate even sharing this on such a public interface, but I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time that I must retell it to you so that I can laugh again.  I had a phone date tonight with a friend.  We were chatting about random body functions when, unnamed friend, disclosed to me that they have pooped their pants.  I, immediately started to laugh, and flung my body onto my bed (in full-body laugh mode).  Said friend is my age and perfectly healthy, well, so I thought.  Said friend was telling me this story as if it happened several times, when in fact, as an adult, it has happened several times.  The incident only happens when said person is puking.  Mentally thinking to themselves, which end to put on the toilet?  Do I puke on the floor or poop myself?  OMGosh, I was laughing SO hard at this point in time, thinking that that thought has never crossed my mind.  Oh dear.  On to less gross topics...


Awesome Thing #2

Free Homecoming Banners for troops!  This is so awesome!  Build A Sign has made it possible to get banners nearly for free!  They have several banner designs that we can choose from and personalize.  Some even let you add photos.  There are 2 sizes you can choose from.  Also, for an additional fee you can get the sign hemmed and have rings for rope put in.  This is such a great offer to those families of service members.  You can also get a free jumbo card and have it mailed directly to your APO/FPO mailing address!  Thanks Build A Sign!

Click on this link to be taken to their website!
Build A Sign -- Free Homecoming Banners!


Awesome Thing #3

Rocklife Productions and the USO have teamed up to offer free photo books to your deployed love ones!  Again, this is so awesome!  It is a 20 page soft cover book that is designed to fit easily into cargo pockets!  These books hold over 60 photos.  These can also be mailed for free to FPO/APO/MPO addresses!  What an awesome surprise gift for your loved one!  Send them old photos, photos from home, or photos of things happening while they are away!  Great idea!  Thank you Rocklife and the USO!

Click on this link to be taken to the website!

Rocketlife Production & the USO -- Free photo book

Awesome Thing #4

This is my favorite one by far!  There is a company called Green Beans Coffee.  They are strictly set up on military bases world wide.  I got this link from another Marine wife, thanks Kristen!  Green Beans Coffee has cafes set up on foreign bases so that the deployed members of our military can still enjoy a nice brewed cup of coffee, a blended beverage or a tea while in a combat zone.  They already have 2 aboard Camp Leatherneck and have plans to open a third!  Through this wonderful company, you can donate a "Cup of Joe for Joe".  This is where you donate money and a letter, and they will deliver your donated cup of coffee and your letter to a service member.  HOW awesome!  You can also buy gift cards for your deployed service member and they will be delivered to them in country!  AWESOME!  You should catch up on everything that this company has to offer.  

Click the link below to be taken to their website!

Green Beans Coffee -- A Cup of Joe for Joe

WOW.  So many awesome things that I am proud and blessed to share with you!  

**David Update**

I don't have one.  I haven't heard from David today.  I'm not sure if that means that he has left the wire, if he has just had a super long busy day or if their communications are down.  I just don't know.  When I know something more, I will forward my information to you!  

David, even though we haven't talked, I have thought about you a million times today.  I miss you more than ever and can't wait to hear your voice soon.  

I'm here waiting for you, hopefully with a free banner!

I love you David.  

{turning point}

Remember that day that David deployed?  If you are reading this, I'm sure you read that first heart-breaking post of mine.  My heart was literally breaking and I was falling apart.  Hands down, the hardest day of my life thus far.  I was riding in the car with Tina, my neighbor, on base today when she told me of her first encounter of David.  She was walking outside when she noticed those "dreaded green bags".  Those bags only come out for one reason, they are leaving for a long time.  Instantly her heart began to break because she knows first hand what we were about to endure.  She told me of the everlasting hug that David gave her.  She knows them well, the hug that is needed for a scared and nervous man about to go to war.  She said it was so tight and so long.  It broke my heart so much to hear that and tears began to form in my eyes.  She assured him that she would watch after me and that she and her family would take care of my while he was gone.

I can't imagine that hug.  It's different from the hugs that he and I give each other, but so heart breaking if you know the emotions behind it.  I was thinking about David's emotional and mental switch that David had to make.  From being comfy and at home with his loved ones, to fighting war face to face.  He was scared and nervous before he left, who wouldn't be?  I can't even imagine that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  What will it take to completely mentally switch?  When will he be comfortable with war?  Will it be at his first encounter of an IED?  His first reason to call in an air strike?  The sound of a machine gun rattling in the top of his vehicle?  The first time he has to use his weapon?  I know nothing that he has done for work, so I don't even know when the switch happened.  I'm sure it has by now.

For him and all the other men and women who are deployed for the first time in a war zone, I pray.  I pray for them and their families.  That they will be able to make that switch and become confident in their abilities and the abilities of those who lead them.  I pray for safety and strength.  God Bless all of them in their daily endeavors.  I hope they know that they are in our daily thoughts and prayers.

**David Update**

I have only had brief contact with David today.  He got my "one month down" package today.  I gave him a camera to record his time in Afghanistan.  All I know is that he was up super early this morning and was back in his room, but now done working, at 0100 his time.  His days have become long and his is doing things that he said need to happen.  (Whatever that means...)  

David, I'm praying for you in particular.  I hope that you have the strength to handle whatever is thrown your way, and if not, that you are strong enough to ask for help.  

I'm here waiting for you and thinking of you constantly.

I love you David.  

{forgetting freedom}

Well, it'about that time in the night where I really start to miss my husband.  I don't have much to report on anything, but I did want to talk about a radio commercial I heard today.  This radio DJ was talking about the upcoming Veteran's day and what events are happening.  Then an interview with the gentlemen of Rascal Flatts came on.  They were talking about not just saying thank you to those who are and who have served or sending boxes to troops, but actually thinking about what the men and women of our military are doing.  Humans sacrificing their lives for our freedom.  The freedom that we forget to thank God for everyday, the freedom that we take for granted, the freedom that we wake up and don't even remember we have.

Isn't that crazy when you think about it?

After the interview, the radio DJ came back on and was giving ideas for the holiday season, things you can do for the military families.  We all know that service members, deployed and non-deployed get tons of boxes and recognition around the holidays (and as they should), but what about the other half of their lives?  What about the ones back home, missing their mom, missing their dad, missing their wife, missing their husband?  These folks, the military families, holding it all together at home, while falling apart themselves.  We should be thanking them as well!  Surprise a military family member this upcoming holiday season.  Why not thank them?  Maybe not a box full of holiday stuff, but what about a surprise thank you card?  A friendly hot cocoa?  A surprise donut?  A few kind words and a hug?  A smile?  Don't you think they deserve that?  I do.  We owe a lot to these men and women.

For the upcoming holiday season I challenge you.  You, to make a difference in someone's life.  To put others needs before yours.  Be that person who is kind and generous.  We are all called to love our neighbors as ourselves, so let's do it!  Be that person who makes the difference, be that person who turns someone else's day around.  You never know who needs your kindness in their life.

**David Update**

Not a whole lot.  I have barely heard/chatted with David over the past two days.  All he has told me is that he has been working 15+ hour days.  I can't even imagine how exhausting that can be.  Wishing him some rest and relaxation tonight.

He's still cute, even super early in the AM!!

David, even though I haven't heard much from you, I am thinking of you all the time.  

I miss you and I can't wait for you to come home.

I love you David.  

{holiday boxes}

I was told by my loving husband that his Marines didn't want holiday items because they didn't want to be reminded of the holidays.  As I totally understand and respect that, I've decided to send stuff anyway.

I sent two boxes to Afghanistan today and then, right after I got back from the post office, the FedEx man delivered something that David needs ASAP.  So, I get to send another box!  I was trying to think what else to put in the box so I was talking to my neighbors and Jon said to fill it with holiday items and random things.  He said that when he was in Iraq, they loved getting random things, just out of the ordinary items.  They have so much fun with things they don't normally have.  So I'm off to the dollar store to buy some inexpensive random items to send for fun!  I just can't imagine, every Marine that is in his platoon wouldn't appreciate a piece of candy corn.  There has to be one, that will like something holiday.

Christmas might be the only box that I don't send a ton of stuff because troops receive tons of stuff during Christmas time.  But every other holiday is mine!  Say hello to boxes for Halloween, Thanksgiving, my Birthday, New Years, his Birthday, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day!  OMGosh, I can't wait!

**David Update**

None!  I haven't spoken to him very much in the past 24 hours.  He wrote me an e-mail that said that he had a very busy day yesterday.  Then got an e-mail at 0430 his time, which means he is up early for something!  

Missing my man, as usual today, so I'm photo stalking him again!  Here are my findings for the day.

The second one is my favorite!!!  (the third one is probably his favorite....oh dear.)

David, I miss you so much.  I can't wait for you to come home.

I'm here, putting together holiday boxes, waiting for and thinking of you.

I love you David.

{first sad sign}

Tonight was pumpkin carving time!  I went with the neighbor kids to get their pumpkins and carved mine in their front yard.  Today was the first sad sign of a holiday without David.  We have not done a whole lot of holidays or holiday activities together considering we started dating just before he left for OCS.  Now that we are married these are the things that you want to do with your spouse.  I missed David today.  It was fun, but I can definitely feel the sadness of lonely holidays setting in.  It's going to be a long couple of holiday/birthday months.  I guess it's time to get used to it and learn how to deal with a different kind of loneliness.  

So for this holiday, for me, go to a pumpkin patch with a loved one, go apple-picking, drink hot cider, carve your pumpkin, and pass out candy to all those cute kids and pray for the moms and dads, missing their Halloween, fighting for your freedom.  

Here is the pumpkin that I carved, for my man:

**David Update**

I don't have any today.  It is only 0445 Afghanistan time, so he is still sleeping.

David, I will be lonely through the holidays.  I know what you are doing is important and you are needed.  I hope that you get to do something Halloweeny and aren't lonely on your holiday.

I am here with my pumpkin, thinking about you always and waiting for you to come home.

I love you David.

{friend bank}

I had dinner with some Supply Bn wives tonight.  It is nice to be around women who understand your situation, whether deployed or non-deployed wives.  I am beginning to build my Marine Wife friend bank, as I like to call it.  Women who you like and can be friends with.  These women are the ones that I will see again and again in life.  We will keep in touch, be there for each other and see each other on different bases in years to come.  I love Marine wives.  (and Marines!)

I ran my first ever 5k this morning!  My neighbor and I ran it in 33 mins!  We were so proud! (and you should be too!)  After we ran, we got delicious Starbucks.  THEN, I locked myself out of my house and had to put Tina through the top of my window!  What a trooper!  THEN, Tina's car died and we unsuccessfully tried to jump it.  Dang, what and exhausting morning!  (And THEN her baby had poop explosion in the back of my car!)  Oh dear.  

(Note the appropriate running attire, so as not to be run over by cars.  Neon = awesome)

**David Update**

David spends most of his day, when he's not doing cool things on a convoy, is spent writing e-mails, writing briefs, and making liason between battalion and their company operations.  All sounds very important.  He is doing well so far.  From what I hear, he is doing a great job and leading Marines well!  

Here is my photo of our Skype conversation tonight:

Favorite quote from our talk tonight: me talking to David: 

"Sometimes you think I'm stupid and that makes me think that you are stupid for thinking I'm Stupid."

David, even though you think I'm dumb, I'll be here waiting for you.

Thinking of you always.

I still love you David.

{military's man's promise}

Shared with me by some amazing Marine wives on FB, Thank you Victoria and Kristen!

Military Man's Promise:
I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, and every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat, your tears and your heartache to keep together, and try to take it back as I knew it before.

I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need.

I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else.

It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you.

I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off.

I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again. I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you, it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial, I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. And I will carry you with me in everything, until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

This is for all military wives.  Thank you to the ones that I have been blessed to know.  I owe you all a life time of gratitude for your kind words and overwhelming compassion.  I thank God for each and everyone of you strong beautiful women that have been placed in my life.  God be with our husbands and may we be strong without them.  I love all of you.

God Bless.

{another day}

Well, after last night's breakdown, today was another day.  A different day and a better day.  Today is it chilly here, and I love it!  Welcome fall!  Finally!  I wore pants and a zip-up hoodie and wasn't hot!  YAY!  Speaking of a better day, I went shopping today!  Actually, I started my Christmas shopping.  I am proud of myself for that!  I also had Five Guys Burgers for the first time ever.  It was good, not mind-numbing good, but it was worth a try.  Then I had a Caramel Apple Spiced Cider from Starbucks.  That made my day.  Nothing like a good hot cider on a chilly day, after a bad day.

I still miss David like usual, but little things in life help, like good friends and hot apple cider.  Here are some more cute pictures of my handsome husband!

He is just so CUTE!!!

**David Update**

David is still on base working, having meetings and planning.  Also working out and eating at the "excellent" messhall.  Although David can't tell me what he is doing 95% of the time, he does know that I like to hear stories about his job, so he told me about some children he has encountered.  The first story he said, was when some helicopters flew over where they were, the children started "flying" around acting like helicopters.  He said is was nice to see kids acting like kids in such a harsh environment.  The second story is kind of funny.  David said that he saw a child with red hair.  This is odd because 99% of Afghanis have dark brown or black hair.  So, David, being David, assumed that he was of Russian decent.  David asked him "Is your daddy Vladimyr?  Not Afghani.  Vladimyr, ya?".  David then was wondering why the child thought he was being mean!  He was being mean!!  (Unintentionally.)  You can't question a child's heritage, not knowing anything about it!  He probably gets teased all the time about his hair color, he doesn't need it from some crazy American!!  Oh David.  

David, even though you are a little crazy, I'm here, waiting for you.

Thinking about you all the time.

I love you David.

{sadness}

Today I got a hand written letter in the mail from David.  It was so nice to get something from him.  Way better than an e-mail.  It brings me closer to him, to have something that he wrote, he mailed, he touched.  It might sound weird, but it's nice to have something that he touched.  I took a nap today with that letter on the couch next to my pillow and will go to bed tonight with the letter next to my bed.  I miss David so much.  I haven't in a while, but I broke down in tears today.  All those awful feelings and thoughts rushing back to me all of a sudden. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm trying to catch my breath.  I wish he could be back.  Just a few days at the end of the month.  I just need that time with him back.  I got weak today, I had a donut, ordered delivery pizza and turned my AC back on.  Buying things isn't even working for me anymore.  Working out is making my body so tired, which makes me want to come home to David and he will make me feel better.

David, I miss you so much today.  I wish I could stop the tears and feel better.  I know it's one month down, but six more months to go.  It's just a lot sometimes to handle by myself.  I love you so much and you make my life so much better, I want all of that back.

**David Update**

He is doing well.  He is back on base for a little while now.  He has been filling his time with working and meetings.  David and his Ssgt have been hitting the gym pretty hard from what he says.  He also told me that he was having coffee with another Ssgt last night.  (I'm excited he is going to share my love of coffee!)  Other than that, he sounds like he is doing fine at LNK.  

 I miss this man so much.  :(

David, I need you here.  I can't wait for you to come back.  

I'll be here waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{happy}

Nothing to report on today, except happiness.  Caught up with a friend on a car drive and thought about David.

Really, how can I not be completely in love with those dimples and that beautiful smile?!  (Had to make the pictures extra large because David is extra cute in them!)

David, I've thought about you a lot today.  

I'm here, in this very sweaty house, waiting for you to come home.

I love you David.

{good day}

Finally!  I got to hear from David.  It was this morning as I was heading to the gym.  I got an e-mail from him, raced over to my computer, turned it on...and he was there!  So awesome to finally hear from him.  Not only to hear him, but them to see him and be able to talk to each other.  What a God send.  I couldn't have been happier about it.  After that awesome wake-up, I went to the gym (didn't want to die), sent a package to my honey, then ran 2.5 miles (and didn't want to die!) and ate a good dinner!  Maybe my body is finally catching on to this being fit thing.  All I can say that today was a good day.

Here are some photos from our chat this morning!

Even after 5-6 days of being MIA in my life, David still has time to make funny faces at me.  SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!

**David Update**

HE IS BACK!  YAY!  So happy to report that David is back from whatever he was doing and is safe!  Not really sure where he went or what he did, but he is back and safe!  When we talked he needed to shower, then eat and run.  He said that the run would be short because he was tired.  He should be just waking up soon.  I hope that he is recovered and I can have more to report tomorrow!

Honey, here waiting for those funny faces to come home.  

I'm thinking about you all the time, literally!

I love you David.

(five days}

It has been five days since I have heard from David, and the worrying has begun.  This is the first time that it has been more than 2 days without hearing from him.  So many thoughts are running through my mind all the time.  I wonder where he is, what he is doing, have they had trouble on the way, has anyone been hurt, is he on his way back?  So many questions!  And no answers!  As lonely as I get sometimes, these nights are the loneliest.  So much thinking is being done tonight, so much remembering and hoping for our future.  I can't wait for this waiting to be over.  I can't wait for the next e-mail or phone call I get from him.  So relieved and so happy.  Other wives tell me all the time how to cope and how to deal with different things, but I think it is something that is learned on your own.  All that advice definitely helps and is useful, but to an extent, I can only figure all this out for myself.  I think I am doing fine this far, but have so much more to endure and so much more to learn.

**David Update**

None.

David, I want to hear from you again soon.  I miss my good morning e-mails and you cracking jokes at me.

I miss you so much.

I'm here, honey, waiting for you to come back home.  Safely, to me.

I love you David.   

{sweetest day}

Yet, another day to miss David.  I'm not sure that he would fall for sweetest day.  It's like a fake Valentine's day.  I love it and would so like to celebrate it.  It's just another normal night of feeling lonely.  I wish that feeling would end.  It is the worst ever.  I know that it won't and I can't make it stop, but for one night, not to go to bed completely sad.  I know that lots of men, women and children have this same feeling, but I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.  I could have a great day and it would end just like every other day, lonely.  Loneliness for sweetest day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, New Year's, his birthday, Valentine's day, and the list goes on.  More holidays that will feel just like every other day.

I haven't heard from David in a couple days now.  He said that he wrote me a letter and put it in the mail, but I haven't received that yet either.  I wish I could get some kind of communication with David.  Life isn't the same without you.  I miss you deeply.

**David Update**

None....

As usual, I have been looking at picture of David on my computer, here are some more for me to share:

Oh, he's SO weird, yet so lovable.  

David, I miss you.  I miss your voice, I miss your words.  I just miss you.

Happy Sweetest Day honey.  I'm here, waiting for you to celebrate fake holidays with me.

I love you David.  

{can't wait)

So, another day down.  That makes it somewhere around 31 days of no husband.  I would love to know what it feels like to be married for real.  Not for 3 weeks in between deployment training and deployment, not for 7 months of a deployment, actual marriage.  Love.  Hugs.  Kisses.  Sharing.  Caring.  Giving.  Laughing.  And so much more!  It's every (well, almost) little girl's dream to grow up and get married and have a family.  To live their lives "happily ever after".  I grew up in a broken home and was raised by many people.  I may not have lived the "happily ever after" end of marriage, but I know that it exists, I've seen it.  It's my personal goal to have that.  Not for you, not for my kids, not for anyone but David and I.  I think we have what it takes.  I know we have it.  I can't wait for real marriage.

On another note, two days of the gym and I can't put my hands far enough behind my head to get my pony tail holder out.  Ugh.  AND, on the running subject, I have begun to concentrate on my breathing too much that by the end of a mile or so, I feel like I can't breathe.  When, in fact, I'm breathing just fine.  I think my brain and my body hate each other.

**David Update**

Well, none.  Sorry.  I haven't heard from him in a few days.  I'm assuming that means he has left the wire.  (Sounds uber important.  Well, it is.)  He is important so whatever he is doing must be important.  

I have been photo stalking my husband on my computer and here are a few more good ones:

I mean, COME ON!  He is so weird you HAVE to love him.  The middle one is my favorite.

David, I miss talking to you and getting 'good morning' e-mails from you.  

I'm still here waiting for you and will be for the next 6 months.

I love you David.

{one month down}

Well, today marks one month down, six more to go.  I would say that it has not been the easiest, but it could have been much harder.  Tomorrow I celebrate this occasion with mani/pedis and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake.  (It's all well deserved if you ask me.)  Every day seems long at the end of the night, lying in my lonely bed.  Life, just so empty sometimes.  But not today, today is for being thankful.  Thankful that I get to lay in a super nice bed, in my too big of a house, on the beach, in the U.S of A.  Thankful for all the freedoms that I take for granted.  Thankful for those men and women of our United States military fighting to protect our nation.  Thankful that David is risking his life for mine, and for yours.  Take a minute to think about that.  Pick one person you know in the military.  They are risking their LIFE for you.  Isn't that crazy?  Would you risk yours for them? So thankful that David is living out his dream the way he is, fighting for my freedoms and for my life.

Thank you, each and every one of you who service in The United States of America Military.  We can't thank you enough.

**David Update**

None........

David, I'm here, being thankful for everything that you are doing.  

I will be here, waiting for you when you come home.

I love you David.

{in your heart}

David, 

I miss you today.  Maybe more than most days.  I like you to know what I'm doing, I like to know what you to know what I'm doing.  It's back to this empty house.  So full of things that remind me of you.  I want you to knock on the front door right now.  I miss your voice.  I miss the way you smile.  I miss the way that you love me.  I miss everything about you.  Tomorrow will be one month down for this deployment.  It seems like it has lasted forever and gone by so quickly at the same time.  Only six more months of missing you every second of the day.  

I hope you know that I'm with you wherever you are.  I'm there right beside you.  When you need strength or to not be afraid or a reason to push on, I'm there.  I'm in your heart.  I'll always be there, wherever you go.  May God's angels protect in that scary place you have to be; may they guide you and all others to safety.  May God grant you the wisdom and knowledge to overcome and surpass.  May you be brave, but not too brave.  I love you honey.  I miss you, but I am there with you, and I know that you are here with me too.

"I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown".

I'm here David.  Waiting for you to come home to me.  

I'll be thinking of you every second.

I love you David.

Love, 

Your BB, Krissy

{love that man}

So yesterday, I'm sure as you know, I was confused by my own emotions.  I wanted to be frustrated with David and yet I found it hard to be mad.  It was so awful to deal with that internal conflict.  I explained to David my reasons for feeling that way and how important he still is to me in my daily life.  That I need that 3 minutes of normalcy.  We talked about it a little bit and then I felt so bad.  I don't know what he is doing, feeling, thinking about, or anything and is wrong of me to judge my husband in that manner.  His conversation last night and today was all normal and it was GREAT to hear his voice and have us back.  He sent me cute e-mails and talked to me about LNK.  Nothing serious about his job, but just little dabbles about living quarters and weather.  David is the best man and I'm so happy and proud to say that he is mine, forever.  He knows when I need a pick me up, and that's often (because I'm relationship needy).  He says all the right things at all the right times, and then some.  I love him and miss him more than anything.  I would give anything to be with him again.  But, let him live his dream.

"I lost my BODY!"

Seriously, how can you not love a man who makes these poses part of him daily routine!!  He is the best and the funniest.

**David Update**

Not much more to report on his job, beside he has been working and planning.  (Whatever that means!)  He did say that it was going to get cold soon and that the rain has shown up.  David said that the ground isn't made of sand, but rather dirt.  So when is rains, it just gets muddy and ugly.  That's all the information I have on his status!

David, you know me better than I know myself.  You know how to cheer me up and make me unbelievably happy.  

I am here, waiting eagerly for you to come home to me.

I love you David. 

{how to cope}

Well, three weeks down and it doesn't seem like it's going to get any easier for a while.  Frustration is the name of the game.  Not necessarily with any one aspect of this deployment, but frustration that there is no one definitive answer for everything.  Why can't it just be easy?  Why doesn't cookie dough or ice cream or pizza or donuts solve all my issues?  I'm having a hard time dealing with the time I get to chat with David.  Sometimes it feels like conversation is forced or that we don't know how to use the time productively.  I know that I have all the time in the world to chat, but when it doesn't feel reciprocated, it's hard.  Here's the issue, I don't know how life in Afghanistan is, I have no idea what David is going through or even doing 99% of the time.  I don't know how many hours he has been awake, I don't know what he has to be thinking about?  He is tired when we talk? Is he about to leave the wire for a few days?  Did he see combat?  Or something traumatic?  Or does he not know how to shut it off for 3 minutes?  All of these questions I don't know the answers to.  Not knowing makes it easy to be mad and grumpy about it, but it also makes is hard to be mad and grumpy.  How does one cope with all these different feelings?  All I can do is sit patiently at home and hope that it does get easier.  I still love you, mysterious David Cook.

No matter how grumpy I get, these photos still make me laugh.  Love him

**David Update**

I know nothing more than I did yesterday.

David, even though I'm grumpy and frustrated, I will still be here for you, waiting for you to come home.

It's hard, and it sucks.  

I love you David.

{cleaning}

Is it crazy that I really haven't cleaned my house since David left?  Crazy or gross?  Kind of gross.  I did 4-7 loads of laundry, cleaned all my dishes, cleaned all my floors, cleaned my bathroom, everything!  (except my bedroom!)  Haha.  Oh well, now the house smells like laundry and cleaner, yum.

I'm so glad for my Marine wife friends.  I can say anything to any of them at anytime and they just understand.  They get it.  I can be mad or sad without judgement.  It's the most awesome thing in the world.  I'm not going to lie and say I'm just sad all the time about David being gone, because a large part of being here during a deployment is being angry, mad and filled with frustration.  It is not easy on any emotion.  Well, 3 weeks down, a lot more to go.

**David Update**

I don't really know much more.  David did get on Skype at 0330-0430 his time, but he didn't tell me anything except it was late and that he gets to sleep in tomorrow.  I assume he was working, but that's all I got.  Here are some photos from this Skype chat:

I'm here, thinking about you all the time.

I love you David.

{one year}

This weekend marks one year that David proposed to me.  I will (because I love to) retell the story.

Our first date was dinner and a movie.  David picked me up from my house and took the highway the wrong way!  (Strike one.)  We went to dinner at a great American restaurant, Max & Erma's.  Dinner was good as always, but we were having a conversation about drinking out of straws versus out of the side of the cup, just as David was telling me it's so much easier and loss prone to spill, he spilled water all over himself!  (Strike two.)  After the dinner mishap, we went on to the movie theater.  He had chosen to see the movie "Funny People".  Which, if you have seen it, isn't a funny movie!  It is actually about a man who is dying of cancer. Which, my dad was actually battling for his life....with cancer.  (Strike three.)  Whew, that was an awful date!

So, when David, 14 months after that disaster, told me he wanted to reenact our first date, you can imagine, I was not too excited.  We went to dinner at the same Max & Erma's and he picked the movie.  Same thing as before.  Now, David always used to tease me about eloping and going to Vegas and getting married in a fake chapel.  Again, not too excited or on board with that "brilliant" idea.  We were walking out of the mall when he started to tease me again about eloping, I told him that I wanted "to have a real wedding".  I turned around because he was obviously ignoring me, and there, by the stairs to the parking garage of the mall, he was on one knee with a ring.

I thought he was kidding, so I told him to get up!  As I nudged his arm upward, he told me that he wasn't kidding, that he wanted to marry me.  I began to stream tears down my face and immediately squealed "I DO!".  David laughed and said it was too early for "I Do".  Then held me and kissed me as I cried all the way home.

What a great day to reminisce about it.  What a joyous day in any married couple's lives.  That day when you begin to realize things just got a whole lot more serious.  The beginning of the rest of your lives was just beginning.  Just amazing.

The kiss that started it all...

**David Update**

None, I haven't chatted with him.  :(  I will let you all know when I know.

David, this one is for you, for all the fun times we've had and the many more great memories we will have.  

I'm here, and will be, the whole time, waiting for you to come home.

I'm always thinking of you.

I love you David.