{regular guys}

"A bunch of regular guys who have a desire to do great things for each other."


These are the words of my husband.  He is in love with what he is doing with his life.  He said that a lot of things changed for them, not good, not bad, but just changes.  He describes his work and time in LNK and with his Marines as "unbelievable".  Sometimes I think that the sacrifice that I am making is so hard, almost too hard at times.  I marry a man, only to give most of his time when he is home, and seven months out of the year to something else.  It's a tough concept.  But, in all honesty, to hear my husband talk about something so passionately, I wouldn't trade that for anything.  The sacrifice for me doesn't seem so big if I am allowing/providing him the opportunity to be all around happy.  Happy at home, happy in his marriage, AND happy in his profession!  That's a feeling that I want.  It's a feeling that some people strive for their whole lives and never get to experience.  For that feeling, I am grateful.  I am proud to call my husband an Officer in the United States Marine Corps.     

Pictures borrowed from Capt. Rob from pre-deployment training.  Lt. Cook hard at work!!

David, I am so proud of you.  I am so happy to hear that you love what you are doing.

I am here waiting for you to come home and thinking of you always.

I love you David.  

{guilt}

Why do I feel so guilty?

Aren't I allowed to have a life?

Am I supposed to sit by my computer every moment or everyday waiting to talk to David?

What if I miss him waking up or going to bed?  Or just a midday e-mail?

I feel awful when I miss those things.  I missed a few today.  My friend is in town and we are out and about being friends and sometimes I feel guilty.  It's not David putting that guilt on me, but myself.  Like I'm being selfish, wanting to spend time away from my lonely house and with people whom I love.  I know that I shouldn't feel this way but I do.  Here is the reason behind it.  There will be, no matter what, that nagging thought in the back of my mind that David will never come back home.  That I won't see him again or I won't be able to talk to him again.  Or that I'll never hear his voice again.  I have to be there to have that potential last conversation.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself otherwise.  Ugh, it's such an awful feeling that I know so many others have as well.  I need to learn that it is okay to go out and have fun.  And even miss a conversation or two every now and then.  I do not need to feel guilty about it.  I think it will be a learning process to condition my brain to feel otherwise.  I will try.  Tomorrow is another fun filled day.  I can't wait.

**David Update**

Not much to report again.  David said that he will be planning today.  Lots of planning.  Keep in mind, David is ALWAYS "planning".  When he is sitting thinking about anything or nothing, he is "planning".  He visited the gym twice yesterday and the food is still good.  He was up bright and early this morning, and headed back to the gym.  Here is a snapshot I got of him as he was waking up.

Not very good, but you can see he is doing well.

David, even when I can't be there to chat, I am always thinking of you.  

Waiting for you to come home.

I love you David.

{best friends}

"People are just as happy as they make their minds up to be."

Moving is lonely.  Being in a state with no family is lonely.  Living in your house without your husband is lonely.  Life is lonely sometimes.  My friends from back in OH have been so great to me.  Checking in to make sure I was fine, sending letters and care packages, asking about David and his job.  The best friends are the ones who take time out of their lives to be a part of yours.  Those friends, they are best friends.  Who are there for you when you need them the most without hesitation or second thought.  I have a few of those, but one who sticks out today.  A true best friend.  A woman who took time from her children, her job, her new husband, her life, to be a part of mine for a few days.  A best friend, my best friend, Katy.  I love you.

When you have friends like these in your life, hold on to them.  Hold on tight.  Never let them leave you and you never leave them.  They are worth more than anything in this world.  They will be there for you anytime and you would do the same for them.  Love them, cherish them and have faith in them.  These friends will grant you true happiness.  Make your mind up to be happy.

**David Update**

I know nothing more than I did yesterday.  David and his Ssgt (Staff Sargent), Cremin, rearranged their office last night, so it was a late one.  David's internet connection wasn't working well when he woke up, so he is off his computer and on the way to the gym.  He will be happy there.  I sent two boxes 10 days ago and they are there safely.  David was munching on cheddar cheese rice cakes and his boss, Capt. Rob is enjoying his Splenda.  

Okay, if this picture did not make you laugh out loud, nothing will.  This is HILARIOUS.  OMGosh, I love this freaky man so much.  He brings such joy to my life.  Especially when he does things like this.  He's so funny!  Feel free to scroll up and laugh again, I did!!

David, I've been thinking about you a lot lately and am here waiting for you when you get back.

Have fun working out this morning and eat a hardy breakfast.

I love you David.

{dark chocolate and popcorn}

Today was filled with more waiting.  Waiting to hear from David.  I have a smaller appetite now that he's not home, but it's even less when he is on a convoy.  Tonight for dinner I had a snack size bag of popcorn and German dark chocolate -- point proven.

After an awful past week, this week is looking up.  I had a phone call from David, he still loves me, he said the neighbor, Tina, and I are "in love" (which we might be), and my super-best friend, Katy, is coming to town tomorrow.  My life is filled with blessings lately.  So many friends, family and others have reached out with love and compassion.  I can only feel so lucky to have such people in my life.

Thank you, to each and every one of you.

David, thank you; for reminding me that it will be okay, and that you still love me, and still miss me.

You're the best husband in the world.

**David Update**

David has successfully completed his first convoy.  I don't have any details other than no one was hurt and that David was the convoy commander.  (SO proud of him!)  We chatted briefly at 0300 Afghanistan time.  He wasn't too talkative about work and was getting tired.  Hopefully I will have more of an update tomorrow.  

Just some more funny faces of David.  Even though Afghanistan can't be that fun, David is still fun!  Love that guy!

David, I'm glad you are a convoy stud and that you and all your Marines made it back safely.

Still here, waiting and thinking about you.

I love you David.

{waiting}

Today has been filled with waiting.  Waiting for words from my husband.  Today is the first day that I haven't heard from him.  No goodnight, no good morning.  I miss those already.  I know that he is out doing what he loves, fulfilling his dream.  I can only wait patiently and pray for safety, for him and his Marines.

Waiting.

**David Update**

He's working.  David did tell me that he has 3 computers on his desk in LNK.  One for unclassified and two for classified.  I think that's cool.  It means he's important.  This is the last photo that I have from a few days ago.

David, I am here waiting for you when you come home.  I think of you all the time.

Be safe, be smart.

I love you David.

{tears}

I got my first phone call from David today.  It was so sweet.  I was so excited that my mind was going a million miles an hour and I couldn't get complete sentences to come out of my mouth.  It's like I had so much to talk about but didn't know what to say.  I was so overwhelmed with joy.  The conversation seemed to only last seconds.  It lasted about ten to twelve minutes and we lost connection once.  It was so bittersweet to hear his voice and to hear him say the words "I love you".  I am needy, as David will tell you, and like to be reminded of his love.  To hear those words in his voice brought me to tears.

**David Update**

Nothing much to report yet again.  He briefed his Bn (Battalion) commanders and all the other officers of his Bn on his upcoming mission.  He sounded pretty confident about it.  Today was a sleep in day for the Marines, but David was up at 0530.  He went to the USO to make a phone call, ran, worked out, ate breakfast, and is now on his way to the office.  This is the first picture of David in a few days.  

Honey, I am  here waiting for you to come home.

I will be here always, thinking of you all the time.

I love you David.

{Crockpotting}

Being a one person household, there are so many changes to make.  The biggest one is going back to making dinner for one.  I don't even eat 2 full meals a day let alone 3 balanced meals!  I eat here and there and don't really cook meals.  David has gotten on me about eating lately, so I've decided that the crockpot will be my new best cooking friend.  (That and iced coffee from McDonald's!  Thanks Tina!)  Today is week one of crockpotting.  I am making BBQ Chicken.  Four chicken breasts!  I think I will be freezing and saving for future eating.

Speaking of food.  Below is a series of some of my favorite pictures of David.  For those of you who are familiar with MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) and TBS (The Basic School) this might be funny.  I'm not sure if David was just lazy and didn't want to get other food, or whether he was poor and couldn't afford more food, but he decided to eat an MRE in his room.  Below are photos that I captured.

It's SO delicious.

Blow on it, it's too hot!

Yummm......

Almost done.

Make sure to get the last little bit!

Full!!

OMGosh, this last photo is the face I see in my head every time that he shaves he head.  It's SO funny.  I'm laughing now!  I love this man.  He is so handsome even with that face!  Lately when we talk it is dark in his barracks and I can't see his shining face.  Ugh, I love it and miss it so much.  

**David Update**

There isn't too much to report today.  David happened upon some new gear and is going to have Christmas for his Marines tomorrow.  I love this about him, he finds extra gear and wants to be generous and hand it out to his platoon!  He did make a point to tell me that the food was "great" today and that he had not been able to go to the gym for the past two days due to work.  He loves his Kindle and uses it often when he has downtime in the office.  He is asleep at the moment and a new day awaits him.

This is a photo of David and his boss, Capt. Rob.  Love that man too!!

Well, David, today was lonely.  I came home and watched some heavy rain and then a beautiful sunset from the porch.  Ate a lot of dark chocolate and talked to 1st Sgt's wife.  She's awesome.  I hope that you are warm enough at night, I hear it gets cold at night sometimes.  

I will be here waiting for you when you get back and am thinking of you all day long.

I hope that you have a good day and think of me too.

I love you David.

{Seven Days}

This has been quite possible the longest week of my life.  It has officially been a full seven days since I have seen and felt my husband here with me.  My house is so lonely and quiet tonight.  It's almost eerie the silence of my home.  No footsteps, no TV, no voice, no phone calls, no mixing of a protein shake.  I hate to be sad all the time, but it never fails.  There are so many instances everyday that I want my husband home.  So many times I need him home.  My neighbor was telling me about the point in every deployment when it's not about missing him anymore, but the anticipation of him coming home.  I want that feeling tomorrow, or the next day; but it won't come for a while.  I want those happy times back.  I want to make a meal for more than just myself.  I want to snuggle up safe next to him at night.

I'm so tired of being alone already, I don't know how the next six months and three weeks are going to go.  I'm sure that they will be filled with tearful times and filled with joyous times.  I know what he is doing is so that we can sleep safely and peacefully at night, but sometimes, these nights aren't filled with peace.  

**David Update**

David went on his first mission a few days ago.  He didn't run the convoy, but he shadowed the platoon and officer that he is taking over for.  Their mission only took the course of a day but they did travel.  (I have no idea where to though.)  He said that it was pretty uneventful (thank goodness) but that they did pass through one pretty busy town.  He seemed astonished, almost aggravated, that there are no traffic patterns let alone traffic laws.  I can't imagine trying to drive extremely large vehicles, a bunch of them, through a busy town with no traffic patterns!  He also said that another thing that makes his job tough is that the children run through the vehicles at any moment.  They have to watch so closely so that no one is hurt.  Yesterday he had meetings and more meetings and lots of planning.  He is now awake and on his way to start a new day.

I cannot get enough of those photos of David.  It seems like we have never had a normal conversation.  Something is always crazy about our video chats.  David either looks like he is trying to be a dashing young gentleman or a creeper.  Either way, I still love this man.

David, I can't wait for you to come home.  This has been the slowest week of my life.  It feels like it's been a month.  I want time to fly by.

I will be here waiting for you and thinking of you always.

I love you David and can't wait to see you.

{Beat the Odds}

Moving to a new place to tough.  Especially when you leave your friends, your family, your hair dresser, your church, your whole life behind.  You move and know no one and you don't know where anything is.  Welcome to my life.  I picked up and moved my life for one man.  I left my friends, my church, my mother, my job all for love.  Can I say it was the right choice?  Absolutely.  I wanted to be married and feel married for as long as I could.  We have a house together and have filled it with our things and our love.  It still is lonely and new to me, but sometime I will fit in.  I think I have beat the depression odds.  With one week of the deployment down, I think it will be a long and lonely road, but one with the best ending ever.  I can't wait for the day where I get to pick him up.  I'm not sure if I will ever hold him so hard as I will on that spring day.

I love that man.

I truly know that I married the best man on the planet.  I know that everyone says it, but I sincerely mean it.  Even when I think he is ignoring me or forgetting me, he is quick to tell me that he loves me and to stop thinking crazy thoughts.  He knows how I feel before I know how I feel, and he does it from half way around the world and 8.5 hour time difference.

Look at that face, how can you not fall completely in love with that??  Yea, I'm not sure how I did either!  

**David Update**

So begins the times of not knowing exactly what David is doing.  I spoke with him before he went to bed last night and he told me that he had shadowed another Marine that is doing what he will be doing in the future.  It was good for him to see exactly what happens and what he should know.  That's about all you and I know of what David did today.  I know that he woke up safely and is now sleeping safely.  I'm not sure that I can ask for more.  David stays up late to talk to me, so the lights are out in his barracks when we chat.  Here is a photo of the only time I got to see his face today.

He kind of looks like the devil.  Scary.  I know that today is a sleep in day for him, so he does not have to be awake at 3-5 AM.  Sleep will do his body well.  

Honey, I am here anxiously waiting for you to come home.  

I think about you all day long and wait for the times when I know we get to talk.  

I love you David.

{Impressive Rejection}

Rejection.  People take it in so many ways, they get sad or depressed, some people eat to drown their sorrows, and some people even get mad.  I have never been rejected in my life.  From anything.  It is so bizarre.  Never, not once have I been turned down.  Well, today ends my life-long rejection-free streak.  I was rejected.  I have been looking for a job down here in the armpit and have yet to come up with anything good.  I applied for some part time jobs at the community college down here and didn't hear back for 3 weeks, so assumed I didn't get the job.  Today I got a letter.  It was from the college and it stated that I didn't get the job, but that they would keep my application and resume on file.  I wasn't mad or even sad about it.  I was impressed!  At the bottom of this letter someone had signed it, actually signed it, with an ink pen.  Someone really took the time to write their name on a letter!  I am so impressed that I can't be mad or sad about it.  I even kept it!  Oh rejection.

I have been missing some Skype dates with David recently due to the lack of impressiveness of my iphone.  Sad, as you can imagine, I had to look at pictures of him and our times together.   Here are some of my favorites from today:

There are two things that I want to say about these pictures.  One, as David's wife, I like his behind, so I capture it as much as possible.  Two, David has a behind larger than most men, but it has zero percent fat.  I wish I had a zero percent fat booty.  I am jealous of his lack of fat, it's almost disgusting.  But I still like it.  Here are some more pictures that have nothing to do with his backside.

Really, David?  Ballistic eye protection indoors?  Just in case your computer blows up and you get shrapnel flying at your eyes.  

Hide and Seek?  Haha, he is going to be the best dad ever.  I can't wait for those years!  (Many years down the road!)

** David Update**

I'm sure his day started out with eating, running, working out, and meetings.  I did talk to him briefly.  He wanted to remind me to send deodorant to him.  He said that he had some meetings today and his mission was more clearly defined.  We won't know what those missions are now, or maybe ever; but as long as he is clear on what they are and the expected outcome, then I will be fine.  I never know when I won't hear from him, or when he will "leave the wire" (get off the base).  Communication is huge on deployments and serves as our life line.  It will be tough when communication is cut and I have no idea when it's happening or for how long.  So many things will be running through my mind and I will be so much more attentive to what's happening in Afghanistan.  I talked to David at 0330 AM their time and he was up for the day and on his way to eat.  The early bird gets the worm!  

The lack of communication and the lack of knowledge of his life will be tough.  I will try to prepare my mind just because I never know when it will happen or for how long we won't be able to talk.  I will be praying to St. Christopher and St. Micheal always.  

Honey, I am here waiting for you, praying for you and thinking of you always.

Know that I love you and can't wait to be with you again.

I love you David.  

   

{Emptiness}

I fill my days with with things to keep me busy.  I play on the internet, I watch too much bad reality TV, go to the grocery every other day, and spend time with my new friend (you have been a life saver, neighbor).  This is all good for my mind.  To keep me focused on things that are not David or my empty home.  But it never fails, to come home at the end of the day and wish I could eat dinner with my husband, to hear how his day was, to eat cookie dough together and drink wine.  Instead I eat cookie dough and hop in his pajamas as fast as I can.  Anything to remind myself of him.  I don't know if I'll wash his PJs for the next seven months.

Even though my days are busy, there is nothing that can fill the emptiness I feel when I get home at night and have to go to bed in our bedroom alone.  It's such a dreadful emptiness.

Some nights are better than others and today is not one of those days.  I got my Masters diploma in the mail today, but had no one to share my excitement with, no one to frame it and put it on the wall with me.  I know David is proud, but it's just not the same without him here.  Tonight I will sit in his pajamas, with a candle lit, drinking hot tea and waiting for him to wake up and get on Skype and say good morning to me.  I live each day for our good mornings and good nights.  They just feel so far apart and he hasn't even been gone a week.

**David Update**

Not much new over the past day.  David went to the gym, ate food and had some training classes.  That's about it.  He is going on a convoy soon, I just won't know when or for how long.  I can't imagine how my mind will handle those days and nights.  

These pictures.  I just can't get enough.  They make me miss him so much more.  I miss your goofy faces, I miss the weird things you say, I miss you trying to be cool, I miss everything about you, I even miss that you are annoying.  I miss you killing roaches for me, I miss you sitting in your chaise, I miss you washing my car while I nap.  I miss you.

Honey, I will be here in your PJs waiting for you, always thinking of you.

I hope you are warm and safe.  I'll always be here for you.

I love you David.  

{Be Not Afraid}

"You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.

You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.

You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand."

Ugh, the first Sunday mass without David.  Needless to say, it was lonely.  I sat in the front so I would pay attention and on the end.  I sat before mass and prayed for David and his company and their safety on missions that are to come.  I did not notice many people there by themselves.  There were lots of couples and tons of families.  I wonder where all the single people are and where the people who have loved ones deployed are?  Do they go to a different mass or fall off when so heavy-hearted?

Halfway through mass the power went out and it became dark (there are only stained glass in our chapel) and the chapel was filled with candle light.  It reminded me of a story that Fr. Jose Bautista told me on a plane once.  He is a Catholic naval chaplain who has been deployed many times.  He told me of a Christmas mass in a tent in the middle of the desert, where all they had as light were a few headlamps.  He had to yell mass because of the wind and the sand hitting the sides of the tent.  There were Catholics and non-Catholics in attendance.  He ministered to everyone.  Fr. Jose said that when you are in a war zone, there is no time to discriminate and no time to turn anyone away from our Lord.  There were terrified young men and women needing to be filled and feel the warmth of God.  I can only hope that we, in American, can have that mentality.  And I hope that David can witness a great life-changing mass like that one on Christmas eve in the middle of war.  I would be jealous.

I didn't cry at mass today like I thought I would.  Thank goodness we didn't sing songs such as "Eagle's Wings" or even worse "Be Not Afraid".  (For those non cradle Catholics, feel free to look up the words to Be Not Afraid and tear up.  It truly can make one fall to their knees when thinking of a loved one who is deployed.)

**David Update**

This morning he and his Ssgt (Staff Sargent) Cremin had a tour of the base.  (I think it's approximately 1600 acres -- don't hold me to that!)  This had to have been a good time for David seeing as he has a huge man crush on his Ssgt.  Oh, man love.  David got to go to the British PX (a little shop), he said that was interesting but the line was short.  He also got to spend some time with his platoon, which he rarely does, so that was good for him, and them I hope.  He then met the Lt (Lieutenant) who he will be taking over for and learned a lot from him.  He is now asleep and must not have had time to call or e-mail me.  I believe that his time was well spent thinking about me and doing "Marine things" -- eating and working out.  

The above is a photo from 0600 AM our time.  As you can tell, he is in good spirits.  I think that he has a convoy coming up in a few days, but I (and the rest of us) are not allowed to know when they are leaving or where they are going until after it happens.  So he is preparing as necessary and getting focused on the mission ahead.

If you have questions or anything to say, please feel free to leave comments.

Honey, I hope that you are sleeping like a baby.  

I am here waiting for you and constantly thinking about you.  I can't wait for you to come home.

I love you David.

{Thank you technology}

Today is yet another day of being thankful.  Technology and Communication.  Myself and my generation have been so blessed by the technology that we have grown up with and taken for granted.  I don't think that we give it enough gratitude.  (If you can thank technology, that is.)  David and I get to e-mail, Facebook, Chat, and Skype with each other every time he gets a chance.  The strength of the wifi at LNK (Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan) is so good!  Here are some photos from our conversation today;

Look how clear they are!  I am so amazed.  I can't imagine being a Marine wife years ago.  Waiting by the phone for days just to hear that your husband is safe and sound.  All that worrying and anxiety might literally kill me.  I bow down to all the people before me who had to live out deployments this way.  David e-mails me every morning and night that he can.  Just to let me know he is safe and to wish me a good day and a good nights sleep.  

**David Update**

Boots in the Sand!  He is finally in Afghanistan!  His flight got there safely around 3pm their time.  He is settled in his barracks (sleeping quarters) and was excited to tell me his favorite things about the base.  They are as follows: the chow hall (cafeteria) is all you can eat, you can take food/snacks from the chow hall (power bars and bottled drinks), AND his favorite part is that the gym is open 24/7!  Needless to say, he is doing fine for now.  He is current;y asleep and has a tour of the base in the morning.

David seems to always be making crazy faces and must not like wearing a shirt!  David never fails to make me laugh.  I have seen these pictures a hundred times, but they make me smile every time I see them.  It is hard not being able to have this craziness in my face all the time, but I will again one day.  Some wives say it is nice to have a break from their husbands.  I don't want a break and I hope that I never get to that level.  I love him so much and can't imagine my life with out him.  And I hate life with less of him.  

Honey, I miss you every minute of everyday.  I can't wait for you to be home.

I'm here waiting for you and thinking of you all the time.

I love you David.  

{Today, it's not for me}

Sadness is tough to define.  Webster defines it as "affected with grief or unhappiness".  As far as vocabulary is concerned, I think they have it right.  But to each his own, right?  Sadness isn't the same for every person.  it can be brought on by different situations and scenarios.  Sadness, recently, is the absence of my husband, David, and the uncertainty of our future and his safety.  This sadness is not only for me but for the friends and families of all other military service members.  Today, this sadness, is not for me.  I have to humble myself in comparison to the other wives that I know.  They have children!  All I have to do is keep our home life stable and wait for my husband to come home.  Other mothers/wives in David's company have much more to do and to be concerned about than I do.  They have to be the mom and the dad to children who might not fully understand what their daddys are doing.  Today I have to lay down my sadness and give thanks for my situation right now.  I admire these mothers, and those parents who are married to anyone who is deployed.  Thank you and you are my inspiration.  I can only hope that one day I can be as strong and amazing as these women.

**David Update**

There isn't one.  David and I got to briefly chat with each other on Skype again.  I didn't get much information except he has been working out and got a bunch of free books for his kindle from another Marine.  (He was on cloud 9 about that.)  He was still in the transit station in Manas this morning, but might be on his way to Afghanistan.  He is in charge of the last flight of himself and 58 other Marines who have yet to make it to their final destination.  The above picture is of David waving goodbye to me, but the internet connection is so poor that the picture was stuck like this for a couple minutes!  

As you know, I love looking at pictures of David and today was no different.  I love when David does things that he thinks is cool, like wearing his pack inside with no shirt on, or acting like he is a space commander with his headset.  Just a few more reasons I love this man.

Honey, I'm here.  Waiting on a lovers phone call or a Skype Date.

I'll be here waiting for you and I'm thinking of you all the time.

I love you David.

{Hopeless Thoughts}

Busy is good.  And bad.  Today I kept myself busy most of the day.  I went to a case lot sale at the commissary (I bought food in cases for cheap at the grocery).  Purchased things that I can send overseas to David.  Rice Cakes, Arnold Palmer drinks and cup of soups.  Waking up by myself is still hard.  I want to have that kiss goodbye on my forehead as a groan noises to him that mean "I love you, have a good day at work honey".  But no, I wake up to a cold bedroom and a lonely house.  I don't make breakfast, I force lunch down and don't eat dinner.  I have completely lost my appetite.  My stomach doesn't even grown.  Even if my mind is busy, my body knows the hurt that it wants to live and the emptiness that can't be filled.

When I am feeling lonely at home, I look at pictures of trips that David and I have taken or just pictures of him.  The same ones, everyday.  They never get old, it feels like he is looking at me and smiling.  I wish that he would just step out of the picture and into my arms again.  They are just hopeless thoughts.  There are pictures of him that make laugh so hard.  A lot of our relationship has grow, developed and nurtured through Skype.  When he does crazy things or makes stupid faces, I take a "snapshot" of it.  Here are a few good examples.

I have over 100 more of these priceless, hilarious photos.  I am SO in love with this man!

**David Update**

He was in Manas, Krygyzstan at an Air Force Transit station.  He said it was pretty nice but had some funny rules.  One of them was that there is a limit of 2 beers per military member per day, except the Marines, water for them.  I think it is because Marines are crazy anyway, they don't need alcohol to make them crazier!  We got to chat via Skype last night and told me that he had slept his cold off and was starting to adjust his body to the new timezone.  Here's a photo from our Skype date:

He is even cute when he is pix-elated.  He tried to call me this morning, but with great thanks to Rickenbacker, their phone lines were down so they were unable to transfer him to me.  We get to chat with each other while I was at the grocery.  He was doing well and was going to bed.  They are now pushing out to Afghanistan sometime in the next 32-48 hours.  No more contact until then.

It is hard not knowing where he is and where he will be at what time.  Imagine the most important person in  your life.  Put them in a different time zone, on the other side of the world.  Make communication with them little to none.  Now imagine now knowing where they are.  How are you supposed to calm your mind?  How are you supposed to be at ease about their safety?  It is tough.  I get all teary eyed not knowing anything.     

Combine that horrible feeling with the fact that they are in a combat zone?  People tell me all the time, and David too, that he will be safe and come home fine.  What if he doesn't?  Are these people just trying to be nice and positive?  Or are they naive about what is happening in Afghanistan?  Are these people aware that the insurgents are using rocket launches aimed at killing Americans?  That there are machine guns used everyday?  Aimed at our loved ones?  That the fight can be so tough we have to drop 500 pound bombs on the enemy?  There are these nagging thoughts in the back of my head that says, what if he doesn't come home safe?  What if he is missing a body part?  Or mentally not stable?  What if he doesn't come at all?  What will I love my life for?  Who?  How will I continue when I lost my soul mate so young?  Those are the thoughts that we as military spouses don't talk about to others.  Please, I beg you, don't tell me he will come home safely.  That is in God's hand.  David and I pray together more often and it is beautiful and wonderful.  Please just tell us that you are praying for his safety and his safe return home.  That's all we can do.  God will handle the rest.  

I will spend the rest of the night next to my computer waiting for my husband to send me an e-mail reminding me that he still loves me and thinks about me and can't wait to be home.  I can't wait for that day.

Honey, travel safe and be smart.

I'll be here waiting for you and thinking of you all the time.

I love you David.  

{Life with just Me}

Today is a new day.  Still hard, but I think the thought of a whole 7 months is surreal.  It's like when I lived in our house for a month while he was at EMV (Enhanced Mojave Viper -- Pre-deployment training).  It was lonely, but I was constantly preparing for David to be in my life again.  This time my preparing is almost in vain.  Everything has to change back to a life with just me.  A life without my husband.  I have to revert back to my old life.  That's not the reason I got married and moved states, not to go back to what my life used to be.  It is supposed to be new and exciting and life-changing.

I haven't done a ton of crying today.  Last night was a different story.  The first night without David.  I felt like the room was huge and the bed was so cold.  I just wanted to move my feet over and put them on his.  But he wasn't there, nothing was, just an empty bed.  No one to say good night to, no one to floss my teeth with, no one to rub my back, no one to kiss good night.  I wish he was here.  I miss him so much already.  It has been a mere 24 hours and it feel crushing to my spirit.  I just want him to come home after work, but he's not going to.

**David Update**

He left NC around 2300 (11pm) and got to Bangor Maine at 0100 (1am).  He called me.  It was amazing to hear his voice one last time before he left the country.  He sounded better than he had when we parted.  His mentality had shifted from comfy life with me to Marine Officer going to war.  He had a "no turning back now" attitude.  

I love good people.  Maine has good people.  When David and his company got off the plane there was a group of people in the airport waiting to welcome and receive our Marines.  They snapped photos of the Marine unit that was there and the Army unit as well.  Here is a picture of my sweet man that they captured.

Look at his little shaved head.  He feels like such a bada** with that haircut.  Those Maine folk are good people.

From Maine they flew out at 0230 to Germany.  In Germany he was able to pay for the internet and G-chat with me.  It was so nice to know that he was here, but all I wanted to do was look at him and hold his hand.  He was in good spirits and was weirded out by little things that Germans do that Americans don't.  He took off from Germany and is headed to Manas.  I would love to tell you where that is, but I have no idea, because David didn't even know where is it!!  I haven't heard from him since Germany and it is nighttime where he is.  I am waiting for an e-mail.

Let me just take a moment to brag about how good David is to me.  He will do anything from me.  He will make me breakfast, he will kill roaches for me, he drives me anywhere, he will do anything that makes me happy.  He doesn't only spoil me but makes sure that I am taken care of.  He makes me eat vitamins, encourages me to exercise, he pushes me to reach my dreams, he makes me a better person.  People say that the Marine Corps will always take first place to family and spouses.  I heard stories of it and seen it happen to people.  Does it worry me, yes.  But I know my husband, and he is good to me.  He will prove all these sad stories wrong.  He will always take care of me and make sure I am happy.

Waking up this morning without him, not having breakfast with him or sharing and iced coffee with him was hard.  Wearing his clothes and holding his pillow I will hold up on this couch until it is time to go into our bedroom alone again.  I will cry randomly for no particular reason, and break out in a sweat reading the news from Afghanistan.  I will fall asleep crying.  I miss him so much and wish I could be with him every moment.  That, unfortunately, is not our fate.  Loneliness seems to be our fate right now.  I know it will change, but right now I'm sad.  

Honey, I love you and hope that you are safe.

I think about you all the time and I hope that you think of me too.

I'll be here waiting for you.

I love you David.