{workin' mama}

To work or not to work, that is the question.

Seriously....I have a mental conflict happening.  I have always seen myself as a working woman; I feel that I was put on this earth to help people.  My jobs and professional goals have always been to get to an end result that I am helping the greater good of humanity.  Prior to giving birth, I worked at a 911 center.  I REALLY loved my job, circumstances and pregnancy came to a head and I ended up putting in my resignation.  (NOT something I was happy about...)  I am now in the position to go back to that 911 center and continue to doing good.  This is where the conflict comes in; do I continue my path as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) or do I become a working mom?

Internal dialogue to continue as a SAHM ::
   - I LOVE my son, he is the cutest little human I've ever seen.
   - I worked REALLY hard to create him and might as well continue to help develop his little brain.
   - David is able to provide enough where I don't have to go back to work for the money.
   - I don't want to miss out on his 'firsts'....of anything!
   - I enjoy my son and his is a happy little camper 98% of the time.
   - I know what he is doing at all time.
   - I know that I provide his safety and don't have to worry about others handling him.
   - He is my very best little friend.
   - I can also hang out with my dog, Goose, all day!
   - I exercise more at home since I have time.
   - I can watch morning talk shows and drink my coffee as long as I want to.

Internal dialogue about being a working' mama ::
   - I am helping people.
   - I am using the professional side of my brain.
   - I have adult interaction!
   - I feel like I can make my workplace a better workplace.
   - I am putting my 2 degrees, 6 years of college and thousands in student loans to good use!
   - I am GOOD at what I do...that profession isn't for everyone and I feel like I'm one of the few.
   - I do like the extra money, even though I have to pay for childcare.
   - My child will get the social interaction of childcare.

I could really go on and on about both aspects!  It really is one of the hardest decisions I have made yet in life.  I could fight that one is better than the other, but at the end of the day, I must choose.

I have decided to go back to work on a part time basis for the moment.  I will try it out and see how it goes!  I can see myself as a very successful business woman one day, making a difference in the world AND I can also see myself as a SAHM, raising babies to be good humans.  It's a tough choice and I guess I will learn.  But, hey, it's better to try and hate it than to have never tried at all....right?



"Hope that when you jump, You don't fear the fall."  -OneRepublic