Well, three weeks down and it doesn't seem like it's going to get any easier for a while. Frustration is the name of the game. Not necessarily with any one aspect of this deployment, but frustration that there is no one definitive answer for everything. Why can't it just be easy? Why doesn't cookie dough or ice cream or pizza or donuts solve all my issues? I'm having a hard time dealing with the time I get to chat with David. Sometimes it feels like conversation is forced or that we don't know how to use the time productively. I know that I have all the time in the world to chat, but when it doesn't feel reciprocated, it's hard. Here's the issue, I don't know how life in Afghanistan is, I have no idea what David is going through or even doing 99% of the time. I don't know how many hours he has been awake, I don't know what he has to be thinking about? He is tired when we talk? Is he about to leave the wire for a few days? Did he see combat? Or something traumatic? Or does he not know how to shut it off for 3 minutes? All of these questions I don't know the answers to. Not knowing makes it easy to be mad and grumpy about it, but it also makes is hard to be mad and grumpy. How does one cope with all these different feelings? All I can do is sit patiently at home and hope that it does get easier. I still love you, mysterious David Cook.
No matter how grumpy I get, these photos still make me laugh. Love him
**David Update**
I know nothing more than I did yesterday.
David, even though I'm grumpy and frustrated, I will still be here for you, waiting for you to come home.
It's hard, and it sucks.
I love you David.
Maybe start doing letters. Maybe it is just as you said...it's hard for him to shut off "David the Marine Sergeant" and turn on "David your husband" (especially because of where he is). Sometimes letters make it easier to talk to one another when actually saying things out loud are a little difficult (and also considering the time difference). He loves you. He wouldn't have married you if he didn't. Talking or catching up everyday is hard to do when he's probably got so much on his mind all day every day. But then again he did leave behind a worried and stir crazy wife! He should be considerate of that as well.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you're running and making friends where you are. A huge way to keep your mind in control and off of things is to keep it busy with others. Find purpose. Find focus. Keep it loose. Keep it tight. (Don't ask, I get a little poetic when I ramble :P ). Love ya cuz!!
J