{strong}

Ugh, I tried not to miss him so much today.  I feel as if it is so wrong to try to not miss your husband, but sometimes, it can get overwhelming.  I find myself as any point where anything is emotional or someone else is crying, that I myself can fully break down in tears.  This has happened a few times, and some of those times, I can't seem to get myself to stop.  I think that I have had and will continue to have, a good outlook and attitude about this deployment.  I can't waste so much energy being sad and angry all the time about David being gone.  He will be home soon and we are almost to the half way mark.  (It feels so amazing to say that!)  With all that being said, I miss my husband.  I want to share all this time with him, I want him to be here, I want him back.  The days seem to pass by quickly when I (and my mind) can be occupied with other things, but the minute I'm in my car at the end of the night, or even worse, in my bed, I just want to fall apart.

I have been so strong for so long for so many reasons.  I don't know when to be broken.  I don't know when it's okay to fall apart and let people see that.  Maybe it's because I have been the strong one, or I don't want pity from people, I don't want to be looked at and all that people see is my sadness.  I haven't heard from David in a few days now.  I think this is when I start to loose my mind.  Not necessarily because of the constant worrying, but because I'm used to talking to him all the time.  I want to talk to him and to be constantly connected somehow.  I crave that attention and affection that no one else can give.  I just want him, all of him, at every moment.

David, I hope that all is well with you.  I miss you terribly and hate when we can't have any form of communication.  I hope that we get to talk soon.

I'm here, cold in bed, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.