{my man}

David,

I miss you a lot today.  There are so many times when I want you back, when I'm angry with your job and wish that we could be normal.  Every night, I want to come home to you, I want to hug you, I want to kiss you, I just want to be with  you.  I try not to complain about you not being here with me, but sometimes it just stinks.  It stinks to go out with your friends, by myself, it's hard not to have someone at Christmas, it's hard to be you and I to everyone, it's hard.  I don't like feeling alone in everything I do, but unfortunately for the time being, I am.

I love you for what you are doing, most people we know would not have the dedication and determination to do what you are doing.  I am thankful for the Corps and your Marines particularly.  I love you and wouldn't want to be with anyone else.  Be safe, work hard and come home soon.

I love you.

**David Update**

I have not heard from David today, as I'm sure you know, this could be for a multitude of reasons.  Here is a picture of David and a few of his Marines.  

Those are some fine looking men!  Cute hat David!!  :)

David, I've got your back no matter what, I just wish there was a way not to feel alone sometimes. 

I'm here, with no voice, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{nighties}

Nothing makes a day better than slipping into some new nighties!  This one isn't like a dress or a matching set, rather a big sleeping shirt, it is so dreamy!  Thank you to my STL friend for getting me hooked on nighties!

I began today feeling like pure butt again, so my dear friend J bought my some medicine and let me crash at her place all day.  A nice hot shower, bad reality TV, Chipotle, and hot tea; it was a good day.  My day continued with a date with one of David's best friends!  (I just want to reiterate how much David's friend love me like they love him.)  We had a nice dinner, then got coffee and ice cream; delicious.

There are so many things I like about being back home in OH, but there is one small downfall, I pay less attention to David.  When I am in NC, I am constantly thinking about him, e-mailing him, chatting with him, or preparing a box to send to him.  I haven't done all that while in OH.  My mind has been preoccupied with so many other things!  Don't get me wrong, I don't neglect David, he just isn't on the top of my mind.  I have sent him small boxes and several letters while here, but nothing like in NC.  I hope that he understands that I still love him and I think of him all the time.

Photo from my date night with David's bestest!

**David Update**

We haven't had a chance to chat a lot lately, both of us being busy.  He did mention that it is getting cold in Afghanistan now and that he has to do some major layering before he leaves in barracks in the AM.  I checked the temperature in Kabul (the capital of Afghanistan) today and my phone reports the high as 45 and the low as 25!  It is definitely getting cold!

David, I hope that you don't think that I am neglecting to pay attention to you.  I know that you are needy (haha, JK, I'm the needy one!) but I have to pay attention to other people.  I will be back to sending you boxes full of random stuff that you probably don't want, just my style!

I'm here, in my new nightie, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{still}

Still in the sickness funk.

**David Update**

He had a good workout today and is still writing and rewriting awards!  All is well with Lt. Cook aboard Camp LNK!

David, I wish you could be here to nurse me back to health (or get hot tea for me when I want it and rub my back at least!).

I'm here, with my sickness, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{sickness}

I am definitely coming down with some kind of sickness and I don't really appreciate it at all.  I would almost take a good cry or sadness for an hour over this awful feeling.  Remember, a few days ago I said that I had the urge to see some of David's friends?  Well, today, my friends, it happened!  I made a late lunch for two of his high school/life long buddies and his parents.  We sat around for 4 hours and just chatted about everything!

I hear of so many marriages were the spouses' friends (and sometimes family) doesn't like the other one!  That is so crazy to me!  I can understand that we all have differences and fights, but you should feel like a part of the family that you marry into!  I would say that not only do I feel like family, I also feel like a good friend.  I feel as if David's whole group of people love me the way that they love him.  It is such as amazing feeling and I could only wish it for anyone who ever gets married.

LOVE this family.

**David Update**

All is well!  He again today mentioned the overwhelming amount of gifts that he received over this holiday season.  He is so appreciative and thankful for everything and everyone.  Don't forget to write him some MotoMail or real snail mail!

David, I've missed you a lot today hanging out with your friends and family at your house.  I found myself a few times wondering what you would chime in the conversation with or what stories you would tell!

I'm here, in your parent's house, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{ugh}

Tonight won't be a long post or something to ponder; rather a short goodnight to you all.  I can't get warm and don't feel well.  (Probably due to the fact I think I ate too much today!)  So it's off to bed for me!

**David Update**

He is good!  Yesterday he had a ton of paperwork to catch up on, so he was in the office till late.  I chatted with him as he was getting ready for work in the AM and he said that it is starting to get really cold over there, in the 30's.  He also told me that he got a TON of Christmas gifts sent to him and that he was grateful for everything his received.  I hope that he can get lots of work done today and stay warm!

David,  I think you should wander over to Green Beans Coffee and get something yummy!

I'm here, freezing cold, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{peace}

"...the whole world being at peace..."

Wow, what if the whole world was at peace?

This is a line taken from the proclamation at Christmas Eve mass. Think about that, the whole world at peace.  No war, no famine, no crime, no hatred, no abuse, no violence, just peace.  Would we know how to live in a world like that?  Would we have a higher unemployment rate?  What if everyone was nice to one another?  As I sit and ponder a peaceful world on this Christmas night, I find myself lost in my thoughts.  I can't even imagine a world like that.  We have grown up in this world with so many awful things happening every second.  How would we even begin to have a peaceful world?  Well, folks, it can start with you and with I.  Throw away all your crazy New Year's Resolutions and join in mine: Peace.  Our world will never be a peaceful one if no one starts to make it that way.  Maybe I can't stop wars, end disease, feed all the hungry, but I can sure try!  My peace is going to begin in my life and I will spread my peace everywhere I go.  It can start with a clean house, then a smile to someone I don't know, a kind word to the people at the grocery check-out, picking up trash outside, any random act of kindness.  I have faith in you and I, that we together can make the world more at peace.  At Christmas time, we remember that peace came in the form of an infant; it doesn't matter how small or how large your peace is, spread it.

{david}

This was the best Christmas Eve ever!  I got a phone call from mu husband!  After so many days of being unable to communicate with me, he is back!  I was on cloud 9 (or cloud 10) when he called me this morning, I even passed the phone around the breakfast table to say hi to wonderful friends.  I am too excited to Skype with him right now (as I'm blogging) that I can only leave photos of him on his Christmas day!  (Then, I'm falling FAST asleep!)

I LOVE THIS MAN!


I'm here, with very cold feet, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{10 days}

It has been ten days since I last got to hear from my husband. It is beginning to ware on me. I think it is about time that he returns safely to LNK. He had to miss my birthday, not Christmas too! I even sent him a gift and a card so that he can get to open something and still feel a part of our family during the holidays. I wish everyday that David was home. I miss everything about him. I feel so blessed that I got to marry David.

David, you are my everything and I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

I'm here, at a sleepover at Katy's, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{friends}

All I can say about today is that I am lucky to have great friends in my life.

Ugh, I miss this so much.  Look how happy we are in this photo.  It almost makes me sick looking at it!  I love this man so much and can't imagine my life without him.  I've been missing him for so many days now it is just insane.  I want him to come back, I want to remember what it's like to talk to him, to see him, to hear his voice, to feel his touch.  So many things I want that I know I have to be patient to have.  We are almost to the half way mark and I need time to fly by.  I need my husband back.  I need all of him back!  I can't wait for the day when he is back in our home.  I want to be married, not legally, but actually married.  I love this man.  He is my everything.

**David Update**

No word from him yet.  No news is good news, please keep him and all his Marines in your prayers!

David, tonight was a great night, but it would have been better if you were there.  

I am here, up too late, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{home}

Sometimes I forget what home is like.  Tonight reminded of why I love this place so much.  I went to a dear friends house, downtown, she cooked dinner, we drank wine and chatted for hours.  No TV, no phone calls, nothing, just two girls chatting up a storm.  While at her house, my cousin and his friends were at a restaurant around the block, so they decided to walk down and visit.  It was SO nice.  Just to be in a town where people can walk around the corner to a friends house!  A town where I know people.  I town I can drive from one side to the other in a half hour.  Just so nice to be back in this crazy place I never thought I would miss so much.  I like my new home in NC with beautiful friends and women in the same situation where I am; no need to explain my feelings and they get the unexplainable.  But, nothing compares to the life and love I get when I am back home in OH.  Good to be back.  Now, if only my husband can be with me next time!

Picture from when I graduated as a MASTER!

(of business I guess, but I am a master of a lot of things!)

**David Update**

There is still no update on David.  I am positive that he is out somewhere protecting our country and serving to the best of his abilities.  I am so proud of him.

David, today was so fun hanging out at Erin's, you would have had a blast!  We even talked about you and our proposal (next to the parking garage!).  I loved it, wouldn't change it for the world.  It was completely amazing, I can only wish the same for others (including her!).  

I'm here, a little bit chilly, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

(giddy)

Oh David.  There are so many things that I want to tell you but you are not available!  There are so many decisions I want to talk over with you, so many conversations I want to tell you about, just so much!  Sometimes in the day, I count 9.5 hours ahead, figure out what time it is in Afghanistan and wonder what you are doing.  I would love to know.  Are you eating, working out, writing papers, on a convoy, running, sitting at your 3 computers, sleeping?  There are just so many options as to what you could be doing!

You would be so proud today!  I went to the outlet mall and didn't spend a dime!  YAY!  But, don't worry, I'm going to the Eddie Bauer Warehouse on Thursday, I'm sure to drop some dollars there!  :)

Oh, sometimes this man is a nut.  (Point in case)

**David Update**

None!  

David, I can't wait to have you home.  I'm excited, almost giddy, thinking about it!  It's going to be so great!  

I'm here, with nothing new from the outlet, waiting for you to come home to me!

I love you David.

{birthday}

Today was bittersweet.  Today is my 25th birthday.  I did not get to hear from my husband let alone have him here to enjoy this day with me.  My morning wasn't so good.  I woke up, realized I had nothing to do, so went back to sleep for a little bit.  Finally woke up, drove around, went to a grocery store, then a bookstore (where I got less than stellar coffee).  That was the first half of the day.  Thankful, I (as I have said before) have an awesome family and awesome friends who love and care for me more than I could ask for.  Some of my friends threw me a birthday party.  It was wonderful, so many friends and so much food.  For a birthday to start out so crappy, I could not have asked for a better ending.  I love all of you.  Thank you for making my day so much better.

This is the birthday cake that David made for me last year!  What a little baker!

**David Update**

Still no word.  Keep him and his Marines and all service members in your prayers!

David, I wish that you could have been here to share my day with me.  I miss you a ton.  I bought a book today!  AND even started to read it!  Hopefully I will have it done by the time you get home!  YAY!  So many things I want to tell you tonight.  

I'm here, with my book, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{family}

Sometimes when in NC it is hard to remember what spending good time with family is like.  Luckily, I have a good family.  Tonight I got to hang out with my cousin (Jason), his mom and dad and my mom!  We had dinner, drank wine and just chatted.  No judgement, no rude comments, no awkward pauses, just fun and relaxing.  I miss that.  Whether with actual family or my extended family, I miss it.

I have been so blessed with the amount of love that I receive from family.  I can only fall to my knees and be thankful for what I have been given.  I know that David will be missing everything that we do this holiday season, but he should know that as much love as we get back home, he is getting twice that amount in love sent his way; in cards, packages, presents, thoughts and prayers.  No matter what family fun we have this year, he will be missed but constantly kept in our mind.  We will tell stories about him and maybe even have Skype dates with him.  He will still be kept in the family fun!

Speaking of family, here is a photo taken from my cousin's (Travis') graduation from the Columbus Police Academy.  Watch out Columbus, you have just been given one of the best that my family has to offer!

"I'm coming for you."

**David Update**

Still no word from David today.  I'm sure he is out and about or the communications are down.  Wishing him warm showers and safety.  

David, I've missed you a ton today.  Church without you was sad even though it was a warm welcome home. SO many people asked about you and asked me to tell you hi for them and that you are constantly on their minds and in their prayers.  So much love being sent your way!

I'm here, with my panda, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{snow}

Today, still no word from my husband.  Besides that, it has been a decently successful day.  I got to hang out with my (personal photographer) Marissa, then had breakfast with J and (David's best friend) Adam, locked my keys in my car, went shopping, then surprised a great friend for dinner and catching up!  AND it FINALLY snowed!  YAY!  I know that some of you might not like this whole snow thing, but I enjoy the snow.  It welcomes in the joy of winter and puts me in the mood for Christmas.

I can't stop thinking about the joys of being home; breakfast with friends, shopping with my mom, Flanagan's, dinner with a great friend, and just being in a place that I know.  I am thankful for my new life in NC, but glad to still have a full life here in OH.  I love all my family and friends (new and old) and am ever grateful for the blessed life that I have been given.

**David Update**

There is no David Update....please continue your prayers for him and his Marines!

David, I miss talking to you and I definitely miss waking up to your e-mails.  I hope that you stayed warm and safe last night.  

I'm here, in my festive holiday socks, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{strong}

Ugh, I tried not to miss him so much today.  I feel as if it is so wrong to try to not miss your husband, but sometimes, it can get overwhelming.  I find myself as any point where anything is emotional or someone else is crying, that I myself can fully break down in tears.  This has happened a few times, and some of those times, I can't seem to get myself to stop.  I think that I have had and will continue to have, a good outlook and attitude about this deployment.  I can't waste so much energy being sad and angry all the time about David being gone.  He will be home soon and we are almost to the half way mark.  (It feels so amazing to say that!)  With all that being said, I miss my husband.  I want to share all this time with him, I want him to be here, I want him back.  The days seem to pass by quickly when I (and my mind) can be occupied with other things, but the minute I'm in my car at the end of the night, or even worse, in my bed, I just want to fall apart.

I have been so strong for so long for so many reasons.  I don't know when to be broken.  I don't know when it's okay to fall apart and let people see that.  Maybe it's because I have been the strong one, or I don't want pity from people, I don't want to be looked at and all that people see is my sadness.  I haven't heard from David in a few days now.  I think this is when I start to loose my mind.  Not necessarily because of the constant worrying, but because I'm used to talking to him all the time.  I want to talk to him and to be constantly connected somehow.  I crave that attention and affection that no one else can give.  I just want him, all of him, at every moment.

David, I hope that all is well with you.  I miss you terribly and hate when we can't have any form of communication.  I hope that we get to talk soon.

I'm here, cold in bed, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.

{it begins}

And so the holiday season officially begins.  I am back in Ohio until January and missing David already.  I went to choir practice at my church tonight and it felt so good to sing Christmas carols.  It definitely puts me in the spirit and reminds me why we celebrate this holiday.

I have missed David a lot today.  I miss him everyday, but some more than others.  I went to my cousin's pinning ceremony at the Columbus Police Academy.  It was a very nice ceremony.  It reminded me of so many ceremonies that I have gone to for David.  Uniforms, rank being pinned, guns, speeches, PowerPoint presentations, movies, all things standard to a Marine Corps event.  I wish he could have been there, he would have been proud to be part of our family.  Yet, another lonely day.

David and I at his Marine Corps Commissioning -- March 26, 2010.

**David Update**

I haven't heard from him today.  I hope he is safe and all is well.

David, I can't stop thinking about you.  Everyone keeps asking how married life is.  I respond with, "I have no idea".  It makes me sad that we don't have the opportunity to be married and to act like married people do.  I can't wait for the spring when it all comes true.  

I'm here, with my bad back, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{david's friends}

I had a great time in Saint Louis today.  I helped Christina find churches to look at for her wedding.  We visited quite a few places and saw many more.  Christina, being new to the area, didn't know where the bad parts of town were, well, I think we found them all today.  Oh well, fun anyway!

I'm heading back to Ohio tomorrow for my cousin's graduation from the Columbus Police Academy!  I'm so proud of him!  He will be one amazing police officer.

When I'm home I will want to see and visit so many of my friends.  I will want to hang out, go out to eat, have coffee, talk for hours, and just be back with those I love.  I will also visit David's family, obviously.  I kind of want to see and visit his friends.  I'm not positive why I feel the need to see people who aren't originally my friends.  They are all very nice people and most of them are fun to be around.  I think it will give me one more thing to connect myself with David; to be in his town, surrounded by his people.

I LOVE this picture of David.  It is so candid, him just smiling and showing those super cute dimples of his!  Love him so much!

**David Update**

I haven't heard from David today, only a short note this morning.  I am assuming he is busy running, eating, working out, and working in his office; those seem to be his 4 favorite things to do in country.

David, I had so much fun today!  We searched out churches all of the city.  There were so many times that I wanted to text you or call you and tell you about things that had happened.  The day will soon come when I can do all those things again.

I'm here, with my delicious coffee, waiting for you to come home to me.  

I love you David.  

{perfect life}

A full day down in St. Louis.  It is wonderful to be back with Christina.  We spent, literally, five plus hours at the mall today and it felt as if it were one hour!  It feels good to loose track of time and not care about it. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is like that, but it felt so good today.

Life is great being back in the Midwest.  Life is easy here, it (for me) is slow paced and filled with wonderful things.  I do miss life back here.  I am going to be glad to soak up some of this Midwest Ease for the next few weeks.

Do you ever feel like life is being awesome to you?  Like things are just going wonderful?  Like you need to suddenly be grateful?  I am loving my life.  Even though my husband is approximately 7228 miles away from me, I couldn't ask for anything to be going better.  I am happy and healthy, and my friends and family are all safe.  Sometimes, even when our lives aren't "perfect" to our standards they were made to be perfect.  We may not understand why things happen when they do or why things don't happen, but it's all meant to be and it will be better for us in the end.  I believe in happy endings, I also believe that each of us will have our own happy endings.

**David Update**

I got an e-mail from David this morning saying that he was doing well.  He said that he had recently passed up awards to the award committee for review and that he was waiting to get hem back for revisions.  That's all I have for my report today,  

This is a sign on Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan.  

David, I wish that you could be here to enjoy this beautiful time in my life.  I want to share everything with you, my every minute of everyday.  

I'm here, waiting, impatiently, for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{travel}

I am finally at my first destination, Saint Louis!  I am here visiting one of my best friends, Christina, and her fiance, Steve.  It is nice to be around people who know me inside and out.  Nice that we have jokes, don't have to explain things to each other, and simply, just get each other.

I had a long car ride by myself today, it wasn't awful and only got sad once.  I feel like that's pretty good considering how I've been the past two days.  David and I have been e-mailing back and forth all day, that helps SO much.  I love constantly talking to him.  I love having him as an everyday part of my life.  I can't wait for him to be home.

Tomorrow is three months down of the deployment.  This means that we are a few more days closer to the return of our Marines.  It's so exciting.  I get more and more excited as the months pass by.  I'm wishing time away everyday.

**David Update**

He is good.  Things are going well and paperwork is getting done.  He did say that he was a little sad that he hasn't had a warm, let alone hot, shower in a long time.  I hope that David gets to enjoy a warm shower this week.  Nothing too new in his world.

David, 3 months baby!  We are getting closer to being together!  I can't wait for tomorrow.  It is going to be great.  You are already on the 13th, so you can silently celebrate.

I'm here, waiting for you to road trip with me and waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{death}

This is the post that I had written yesterday, but needed to share my feelings with David and talk to him before I posted anything.  I can't bear to re-read it right now, so I apologize if there are grammatical errors or spelling mistakes.  



There is always the thought in the back of my mind that says "you may never see David again".  It is an awful thought, but an ever-present one.  Besides the first day of the deployment, this is the worse day, emotionally, I've had since then.

I was looking for the key to our lock box to make sure I knew where it was when I'm traveling and while digging through David's nightstand drawer I found an envelope.  It was face down and read, "DEATH: read only if I'm dead".  Immediately I began to cry.  I wish I hadn't found it.  I wish it never had to be written.  My throat dropped and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.  There are so many emotions that come with finding a letter like this.

I have been on the verge of crying all day.  I couldn't even think about him or talk about him today.  I had to constantly keep my mind on other things.  I can't imagine my life without him.  We have barely gotten to begin our lives together.  I don't know what I would do if he never came home.  Everyday I want to hear his voice, see his face, be able to touch him again.  I want to know that he's okay.  Today, all those thoughts and wishes and hopes became ever more real as I imagined having to fall to my knees in tears to have to read that letter.  I can't even imagine the pain and agony of loosing a spouse.  I don't even know how to express the feelings that I have inside.  I want to pour all of them out in hopes that I might feel better, but I can't.  I don't know how to get them out, I can't tell you what this feels like.  I can't tell you how hard it is to catch your breath when you're crying so hard, you can't see.  I can't tell you how to control your body when all you want to do it fall to the ground and cry.  I don't know what to say or what to think.  I wish there was no need for David to have to write such a letter.

I will hopefully never know what is written in that envelope.  I can't imagine how he felt having to write such a letter.  It breaks my heart to think of him upstairs writing that letter as I slept soundly in bed dreaming of him.  What was going through his mind knowing that he may never return home to me?  Never get to see me or talk to me or hold me again?  Never have kids, never get to watch them grow up?  Never get to grow old together?  Never come home.


Dear LORD,

I want to first thank you for all the blessings that you have gave to me.  Sometimes I don't thank you enough.  You have done so many wonderful things for me and have always kept me safe.

I know that Your will be done, but please bring my husband back home to me.  Please keep him safe.  I need him in my life more than anything I will ever ask you for.  I can't imagine continuing on without him.  You know my heart and you know how happy that man makes me.  I want to be able to hear his voice again, to see his face, to hold his body, to be my comfort.  I ask that you guide him and all fellow military members back home to safety.

Humbly I pray to You,
Krissy

{cookies}

Oh man, today was hilarious.  Brain and I ran a 5k this morning then stopped to get Dunkin Donuts to congratulate ourselves for running!  We then came back to my house and made cupcakes and sugar cookies.  Making cookies with Brain was fun, but decorating the cookies with Brian was hilarious!  He decided to make a cookies for everything!  These are his Marine Corps cookies:

"USMC"

An MRAP, a Tank, and a Humvee with a 50 cal.

Oh, I've never laughed so hard while decorating cookies in my life.  It was awesome to laugh that hard again.  

**David Update**

I haven't gotten to talk to him today.  I have been busy and so has he.  I will have a better update next time!  Right now, he is already at work and busy at it!

David, I can't wait to get to talk to you again soon.  I've missed you so much already!

I'm here, in our chilly house, waiting for you to come home to me.  

I love you David.

{brian}

YAY!  Today Brian came to NC!  Having him here is wonderful for so many reasons; it is great to have a good friend here, great to have someone to drive back to OH with me, and great to have someone who knows me.  Tonight we went to the Supply Bn Christmas party at Camp Lejeune.  It was nice, if you had kids.  I think is a definitely geared towards a family crowd.  It was a very nice party.  Tomorrow Brian and I get to run a 5K, make cupcakes and cookies, go to church, then another Christmas Party....I hope he doesn't mind my life!

Having Brian also makes me miss David.  It's weird to have a male in my life who cares just as much as David does.  Brian is just a born gentlemen, it's in his blood to treat all women with respect and chivalry.  (A lucky woman, that Megan is!)  I miss David being here, opening doors for me, holding my hand, driving me places, and just being here.  He is the best husband in the whole world and I can't wait to have him back.

**David Update**

He sent me a short e-mail telling me that communication had been down for a while.  It was nice to hear from him.  He didn't say what he had been doing or if anything new was happening at work.  I assume that work is fine and he is working out and running.  

David, I missed you tonight at your Christmas Party.  Next year we can have a great time and for years to come.  I can't wait to have you back.  I'm sad about the lack of talking that is to come.  With all my traveling and visiting home, our contact will decrease.  I just hope that we can continue to e-mail constantly and thankfully, with my Iphone, we can G-chat when your internet is working well.  

I'm here, with late night pizza and Baja Blast, waiting for you to come home to me.  

I miss you.

I love you David.  

{madness}

Well, tomorrow the holiday madness begins.  My dear friend Brain flies in tomorrow to drive back to Ohio with me.  I just want to say that I love his wife SO much.  She is okay with Brian flying down here, spending a few days and driving 12 hours with me back home.  Love her.

Tomorrow will also begin the sadness of the holidays without David.  I refuse to think about it too much yet, because I know that eventually, I will think about it and I will be super sad.

Early to bed tonight as I have a full day of preparing tomorrow.

An AWESOME picture from our Christmas party 2 years ago, Brian's wife Megan, Brian and my lovely husband.  

**David Update**

I haven't a lot from him over the past two days.  No goodnight or good morning e-mails.  He must be super busy with work or out and about.

David, I wish you could be here tonight.  I want to pack things for home with you, I want to snuggle tonight.  It is cold here, so my heating pad is turned on a little higher than normal.  It is toasty on my side of the bed and so cold on yours.  I wish that is wasn't, I wish that you could be here.  As much as I tough it out, my holiday season begins with tears.  I am sad about so many things and excited about others.  Being at home will make me feel better about life but may make me miss you so much more.  We won't get to celebrate birthdays together, we won't get Christmas together, and we won't get everyday in between or before and after.  It stinks.  I know there are plenty of people in the same boat as me and many who have it worse, but I'm going to be sad tonight.  I miss you and wish we didn't have to miss so much of first year of marriage.  

I'm here, in our toasty bed, waiting for you to come home.

I love you David.  

{what the heck}

OH MY GOSH.  Seriously.  I think that I just got dumber watching a video some woman thought she needed to post on YouTube.  Now, I don't normally watch videos that people put on FB, but this one was titled "Why I don't Support the Troops".  Well, being married to the "troops" and living in a family full of "troops" I felt the need to watch it.  I also don't normally find the need to discuss videos I've seen on YouTube, but this one I can't let go.  I'm just going to run down some things about this video that I can't let go at the moment.  I don't want to support this video by telling you to watch it, but watch it.  It will BLOW YOUR MIND!  Let's begin to break some of this down:

"NO, I don't support the current administration, I don't support the wars, but I also, do not support the troops.  I reject nationalism, I reject blind patriotism, and I reject everything that the term "Support the Troops" stand for."

>>Oh jeez, get out of our country.  If you don't like it so much, go somewhere else.  Go to a country where they don't have the ability to protect and serve, where they aren't given freedoms, where they can't support themselves.  If you're going to be mean, just leave.  I think I'll support my fist in your face!  (I don't really enjoy hand to hand combat myself, but it might be necessary.)


"They don't know what they are doing, they think that they are protecting our country, I don't think that's a valid excuse anymore."

>>Oh crap.  Seriously?  "Them"?  Like our men and women of our military are creatures, come on.  And, an excuse?  An excuse to what?  She proceeds to call our military members ignorant of what they are doing.  Oh, this gets my blood to boil.  Can she be serious?  I'm not going to say that all military members may not be ignorant of things, but these men and women train, study, give everything up for a cause that they believe in.  They are more up on current events, they know the behind the scenes that the media doesn't give us, I would venture to say sometimes that they are more informed than we are.


"I believe that people in the military fall under one of three categories: they're dumb...really dumb, evil/couldn't get a real job or are morally compromised"

>>Dumb: oh man.  She says that the military members are dumb because we live in a time where information is at our fingertips.  I assume she believes everything she reads on the internet or in gossip magazines.
>>She says the war is being fought for BP and Exxon Mobil, haha, I want cheaper gas too!  I hope David is out there fighting for some oil for my car!
>>We (as America and the military) are dumb because we are established in countries that are absolutely no threat to us.  I wonder if she missed the tragedy of 9/11?  Maybe she was hibernating for a LONG time.
>>Evil.  She compares all military members to serial killers, where they just get to chop people's heads off and stab people to death.  Oh, I'm still mad about that one.
>> A REAL JOB!  What?!  I can garuntee her that the military is a real job.  I can't even think of another job where you get paid below the minimum wage for months overseas.  (I calculated it, David makes about $5 an hour in Afghanistan.)  I'm not sure she knows what a real job is?  I think their duty is beyond a real job, it's a lifestyle, our military members have done more for their "job" than I ever will for any job I imagine.
>>Immoral, that our military members know what they are doing is wrong and like it.  I'm not even sure I can fully comment on this one.  She says that we won't "kiss their a**es."  Well, h*ll yea I'm going to be kissing them!  Are you kidding me?
>>She then brings up James Barker.  I mean seriously.  She acts like heinous crimes are only committed by military members in foreign countries.  What about the shootings, beatings, rapes, murders, abuse, theft, and violence in America?  Sure, there are some bad seeds in the military, but look at society as a whole?  These awful crimes are committed by humans, not military members, but by individuals, despite their occupation.

I love my country, I love our military, I love my husband, I love it. 

I love patriotism, I love our flag, I love America.

**David Update**

David is still asleep as I'm writing this.  I couldn't wait to talk to him before I blogged tonight.  

Readers:  I don't mean to offend anyone by my writing.  If you were, sorry, I was merely venting about an issue that I obviously have strong feelings for.  

David, I love you and I'm more than proud of you.  

{finally}

I think it's official.  I am in the Christmas spirit.  I'm excited about going home to see my friends and family.  I decorated a little bit, I bought egg nog coffee creamer, listened to Christmas carols, and have lit yummy smelling candles.  I have all my presents wrapped and ready to be packed in my car.  I'm happy that I'm in the mood for Christmas now.  I have been worried that I wouldn't be excited at all.  I know that the inevitable missing of my husband will happen.  I'm guessing it will come on the 19th and from the 24th-1st.  I know that life goes on and everything will be alright, but I'm going to allow myself to be sad for a little bit.  I hope that David gets in the Christmas spirit, just even a little bit.  I hope that he gets a few gifts, goes the church and finds a little Christmas spirit in his days.

**David Update**

David is up and on his way to the gym already.  He said that he changes his weather to lows of 30s and highs of 60s.  I thought I would share that with you.  He is still busy writing awards and re-writing awards.  Feel free to write a letter to him for the holidays!  He would love it!

David, I wish you could be here with me.  Watching a Christmas movie, playing board games in our PJs, doing puzzles, drinking egg nog coffee, decorating the house, getting a Christmas tree, holding hands during Christmas Eve mass, I wish we could do it all.  Together.  

I am here, singing Christmas carols, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{husband}

Even though we have never been through a deployment ourselves, I think that David does an awesome job reminding me that he is always thinking about me and that he still loves me.  He sends me e-mails all day long, responds to my crazy e-mails I send, calls me when he can, Skypes with me all the time, sends me letters in the mail, and sends me surprise packages in the mail.  When we started to date, I think that David began to realize that I'm needy when it comes to him and the reaffirmation of his love.  I constantly need (maybe want) to be reminded that I am on the top of his list.  I think that most people would have been turned off by that, but David caters to it.  Not to say that David is just going through the motions, but he knows that is make me happy, and he likes to make me happy.  Sometimes I take these little things that he does for me for granted.  I know, that deep down in my heart, David loves me more than anyone every has (besides my mother) and more than anyone ever will.  I miss my husband every minute of every day.  I can't wait for him to be home with me.  I can't wait to continue our lives together.

**David Update**

I got to chat with him for 5 minutes before he went to the gym this morning.  He said that work had slowed down for a brief minute.  He also said that the temperature was in the 40s in the morning and got to the 70s in the afternoon.  Which is pretty much the same weather that we get here in NC.  

David, please know that I appreciate everything that you do for me.  Sometimes, or a lot, I may seem really needy.  That's just because I miss you like crazy.  

I'm here, trying to be patient, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{beautiful nc}

I take the beauty of NC for granted down here.  I definitely don't appreciate it as much as I should.  When running on the beach today, my heart was taken by how gorgeous it was.  Since I am still astonished, I have decided to share some of my favorite pictures that I have been lucky to capture while living in Emerald Isle.

Sunset on the sound, from the back of my neighborhood.

Pink clouds at sunset, taken from my front porch.

A walk to see the Atlantic Ocean.  A beautiful sunny day.

Sunset over the sound, view from the Emerald Isle bridge.

The absolutely most breathtaking sunset.  White Oak River, Swansboro.

The view from my run today.  Look at the sun beaming through the clouds, amazing.  

**David Update**

I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him yet today.  He should still be asleep as I am writing this.  More updates to come.

David, I wish I could have shared any of these beautiful moments with you.  I miss our nightly walks to the beach.  Whether we were just walking or you were trying to swim to Europe, I miss them.  

Honey, I'm here, enjoying the scenery, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{true love}

I spent tonight at a friends house. It was a nice quiet evening for the most part.  I joined her at her kids' preschool for a Christmas production and a birthday party for Jesus.  It was cute; then back to her house for mini-tree decorating, then just hanging out.  We spent about 3 hours chatting up a storm when her kids fell asleep.  As the whole night was fun, there was one part of our conversation that stuck out the most.  She was talking about her love for her husband.  They have been married a few years longer than David and I, but the way she talks about him is the way that I, as a newlywed, talk about David.  She loves to be around him and in any moment of free time, wants to be with him.  Things aren't the same when he is deployed, nothing seems as fun or fulfilling.  I want have that, I want to still be that in love with David when the "honeymoon phase" is over.  I want our whole life to be a honeymoon phase!

People like her make me believe in true love and what marriage is really all about.  They have a great time and get in arguments, but at the end of the day, would rather be nowhere else than next to her husband.  Fairy tale love can be real.

**David Update**

HE CALLED ME THIS MORNING!!  What a great way to start my day!  A whole 15 minutes to myself!  David didn't say much about work or how he is doing.  I was a little worried about how tired and exhausted he sounded.  I think that he definitely needed to get back to his room and get some sleep.  He e-mailed me in the middle of the night where he said that he had fallen asleep unintentionally, but was then on his way to bed.  I didn't hear from him this morning.  I hope that he slept in and got the rest he needed.

David, honeymoon phase forever?  Deal.

I'm here, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{singing carols}

Today, I miss my husband.  I was making an apple pie and decided that maybe I should do something Christmas in our house.  So, I turned on some Christmas music and sang to myself while making a pie.  I changed my table cloth to a Christmasy one and I think I should get some decorations out.  I wonder if David will have any decorations or sing any Christmas carols?  I hope that he does.  I hope that he get to experience some joy of the holidays.

I just hope that with all the Christmas hype, he is still reminded of the reason for it.  Jesus.  I hope that he is granted the opportunity to go to church and celebrate why we get to enjoy this season so much.  Today is the first day of the season that I have truly missed him for the holidays.  I wanted him to be here, so that we could be together while singing and baking and decorating.  I will fill my holiday season with friends and family and always keep David close in my mind and in my heart.  

**David Update**

I only got to speak to David briefly this morning via e-mail.  He said that he day started off early and he was doing well.  

David, sing a Christmas carol for me.  Have some hot chocolate and fresh pie and think of me.  I would love to share this season with you in our house.  As our first Christmas together, it will be lonely, I will look forward to our second!

I am here, with my fresh homemade apple pie, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.  

{december}

Yet the beginning of a new month.  This means that we are close to the three months down mark!  It got chilly here in NC today, 52 degrees!  I had to finally turn my heat on, but I don't think December 1st is too bad.  I got to talk to David today for a long time!  Well, I talked, he listened to me in his headphones and typed back.  It was great.  We talked about important things, not important things and made fun of each other.  It was like normal again!

I know that we don't own our house, but I want to paint some rooms, seeing as I think we will be here for a couple years.  So, when we started talking about what colors we want to paint different rooms, here is the face that David made when I said we should paint the bedroom blue!

Oh, hilarious.  (But, I think I'm sticking with blue!)

As we have talked about before, I have many character flaws.  The one for today is patience.  I am SO impatient!  I can never wait for things.  It may seem like I can, but on the inside, I am busting at the seams!  I always want things to happen now, I want to have things now, I just need it now!  Ugh, it can be so annoying to other people, I'm sure.  But, how do you become less impatient?  I can control what I say and how I act so that others don't know I'm being impatient, but what about in my head?  Is it okay to be silently impatient?  Are you impatient?  Do you get antsy about things that actually don't matter at the time?  How do you fix it?  It is really a character flaw if you can control it for outward appearance?  So many questions.  (And I want the answers now!  See what I'm saying??)

**David Update**

Well, David said that his work day yesterday was a little busy editing and improving some awards that he had written.  He also said that he has finished 4 books since he has been in country.  (So, if you are a person who would send him a present, an Amazon gift card for his Kindle would be perfect!)  

David, it was beyond awesome to get to chat with you for so long today.  It really was like we were back to normal.  I can't wait to be back to normal for real in a couple months.  It's very exciting.  

I'm here, with lots of paint chips, waiting for you to come home to me (and our blue bedroom).

I love you David.  

{be brave}

Well, it has been 78 days since David deployed for Afghanistan.  I can say that it hasn't been particularly easy.  Some days just feel empty, some feel lonely, some are filled with anger, and a lot are sad.  Between all those days, life goes on.  There is nothing that I, or any of my wife friends, can do about the deployment.  We can't wish it away, we can't have our men home earlier, we can't protect them from imminent danger, we can't do much for them.  What we can do is be patient and keep things going here back at home.  We will have good days and bad days, long days and days that fly by.  Those phone numbers we don't recognize and random knocks on our doors make our hearts sink to the pits of our stomachs. We are nearing the halfway point and get to begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Ladies, stand strong and stand proud.  Our men are the best that our country is made of and we are the best women our country is made of.  We don't ask for much except love, support and prayers.  We are stronger than we know and can make it through anything.  So, we ask of you for just this, your love, your support and lots of your prayers. And to you, our men, our Marines, make us proud and think smart.

**David Update**

David, along with working and having meetings, has been at the gym about an hour a day.  At least he is spending his down time well!  Also, he received a package from a best friend.  In that package were golf clubs!  I can only imagine how much fun he will have hitting some balls in the middle of Afghanistan.  Still a Marine, but a golfer at heart!

Would you look at the antenna on that thing!!  Here is another photo that David has taken while in Afghanistan.  It's cool to see him and his Marines in action.

David, I made a big pot of soup today and wish that you could have been here to share it with me.  It was pretty delicious if I do say so myself.  

I'm here, with a full belly, waiting for you to come home to me.

I love you David.